This Is Not Me (Not Even Close)

This is a not a normal Saturday afternoon post.

But this is not a normal Saturday.

You may have heard that the University of Virginia in Charlottesville has been beseiged by a large number of alt-right activists...

Sorry, backing up. Can't say that with a straight face.

UVA has been invaded by fucking white supremacists who claim they are being threatened by  non-white, non-male, non-Christian people aka most of the freaking planet.

They brought their own nahtzee helmets.
How cute is that?

Apparently the definition of "threatened" is now "we thought democracy meant we were in charge but now it means we're equal to people who don't look or worship like us and we just figured out that sucks for us."

And so these butthurt white Christian males have chosen to express their outrage that other lives actually do matter. By burning torches and rallying around a statue of Thomas Jefferson, because why not it's not like Daveed Diggs, a POC, slayed the role of TJ in Hamilton, proving that skin color doesn't define greatness.

FUCK YOU GUYS.

Look. My dad is a white American male. My brother is a white American male. I have many co-workers who are white American males.

I don't agree with their views 100%. But I love them, and I respect them, because I know they're all good people. And good people can disagree.

But if any of them - ANY, including my own family - were to light a torch and chant slogans about being superior to lesser beings aka anyone who doesn't look and think exactly like them, they would be dead to me.

DEAD.

I am a white middle-class suburban mom. Aside from the obvious defect of my gender, I'm a member of just about the most privileged class in American society. Not considering the super-wealthy, who in my mind only exist to demonstrate the evils that money can do to putatively normal people.

I love good people. Whether they be white, black, Hispanic, Muslim, gay, religious, or whatever.

Also, I despise bad people, whether they be white, black, Hispanic, Muslim, gay, religious, or whatever.

Because "good" and "bad" transcend random accidents of birth.

But fuck these people who can't deal with the world not being controlled by white professed-Christian males.

How dare you claim to be Americans in an America populated by immigrants, refugees, marginalized groups, and outcasts?

This country belongs to those who love it.

And doesn't give a damn about the pigmentation, religious affiliation, or political orientation of anyone who pledges their allegiance to our flag.

Take your torches and your slogans and shove them up your asses, you pseudo-American hatemongers.

Babies.

Please love or hate me. Either response is totally welcome.

Love for the Innocent, F**k You for the Rest

Hey there, Drunkards.

If you haven't heard, over the last couple of days 'Murica has seen two high-profile murders by white police officers of black men who were compliant, non-aggressive, and committing no crimes.

Alton Sterling.

Philando Castile.

I posted this on the Always Drunk Facebook page, because I'm shocked, grief-stricken, and super-pissed at these events:

In case anyone reading this may be inclined to sympathize with the items on this bingo card and/or the law enforcement personnel involved in these murders, allow me to annotate the above graphic as follows.

"Shouldn't have resisted;" Neither resisted, both calmly complied with officers' orders, were shot nevertheless.

"If we didn't kill black men indiscriminately 'criminals' would take over:" Objectively racist, shut the fuck up.

"More black babies killed by abortion than by the police:" So there's a quota, and the police are trying to even the score? You are an imbecile.

"This video has been edited;" I've seen multiple unedited videos of each murder. You could see the same, if you weren't determined to justify the actions of murderers.

"Nobody talks about Black-on-Black crime:" Actually, lots of people talk about it. And if you believe a single black-on-black murder justifies any white-cop-on-black murder, you are a racist motherfucking asshole. Really.

"If he was guilty, why did he run?" Neither Alton nor Phil ran, you dickhead.

"Democrats are the real racists." I saw no one in these videos claiming allegiance to any political party. You're wrong, you're illogical, and you're frankly an asshole.

"Blue lives matter." SO GLAD to turn this around: ALL LIVES MATTER.  Deal with it.

"We shouldn't rush to judgment." I don't really believe it's a rush any more. How many years/decades constitute a rush? Just wondering.

"Black people want special treatment." Yes, fuck black people for wanting to be treated like Americans. So special.

"Thug." Or, you know, school cafeteria supervisor. Or street vendor. Or anything. Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about?

"No angel." I'm no angel. The odds of me being murdered by police during a routine traffic stop are, like, a brazillion to one. Because I'm blonde and moderately cute. THAT TOTALLY SHOULDN'T BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, YOU MORONS.

"Obama is president what else do you want?" Um, I want people to not use the personal success of one black man to justify the continued institutional oppression of millions of others. I understand this is highly unlikely, but I'm just answering the question.

"He had a history of misdemeanors." Yeah, just like lots of other people I know who happen to be white and are therefore given a pass. Since when does America dictate your future according to your past, you judgmental assholes?

"Being a police officer is dangerous." It totally fucking is. That's why we should support all officers who risk their lives while respecting the law and protecting all citizens equally. And why we should vigorously prosecute those who don't.

"But black people commit all the crimes." Please delete your online identities. You are an idiot.

"Black lives don't seem to matter the rest of the time." Congratulations, I can't respond to this because I don't know what the hell you're talking about. If you want to explain this gibberish,  feel free to contact me.

"'Personal responsibility.'" Right on. Like not pulling a legally carried gun on a police officer. Like being a police officer and not murdering someone who is legally carrying a gun and happens to be black, YOU DICKS.

"What about Chicago?" Chicago has a terrible problem with violence and gangs. It should be addressed. AND SKIN COLOR IS IRRELEVANT, YOU PRICKS.

"Racist against white people." Fuck you. Sincerely.

"Let's wait for the investigation." Agreed. But when it concludes yet again that the white cops were justified in murdering the innocent black person, let's protest the shit out of that nonsense.

"This was an isolated incident." Assuming you just time-traveled here from an unpopulated island in the 16th century, OK.

"I don't see the big deal." I wish I were white, wealthy, and privilged like you. Fer real.

"Protestors [sic] are the real criminals." Yes. Yes. As George Washington famously said, "Lock those bitches up, don't they know the GW has spoken?"

OMG, you guys.

Please help me defend what I love about America against the utter bullshit I hate about America.

*sigh*

The Revolution Will Not Be Julienned

Note: I started the following post a couple of nights ago, in a drunken haze. I've spent most of this week in a drunken haze, and that shit's gonna stop, because I'm just tired of the drama I keep creating around myself, plus having to scroll through my social media accounts every morning to find out if I made a spectacle of myself the night before is appalling. I'm a better, stronger person than this, and I'm going to start acting like it.

Anyway. I remember imagining an online quiz called "Who Said It: Donald Trump or a Racist Potato?" Which made me laugh. I don't remember doing much with the idea because I didn't feel like tracking down actual racist comments made by the Donald, not that it would have been difficult. But apparently I did come up with a number of bon mots for the potato and began a post around them. As you'll see, I dropped the quiz angle. I don't know what angle I was going for, really, and eventually I must have fallen asleep (OK, passed out).

I think the idea of drunk-me slapping together racist-potato memes is hilarious, in an ultimately sad and pathetic way. The idea is funnier than the memes themselves, by the way. Drunk-me is not half as funny as she thinks she is. But I'm just going to put them out here for your perusal, as a glimpse into why I don't always post every night. Sometimes it's because I'm coming up with ideas that are, you should pardon the expression, half-baked.

***************************

Look, there's a new Republican candidate for President of the United Fucking States of America!

It's a racist potato.

It's a pretty clear challenger to the frontrunners.

It's sort of yellowy-orangey, like Trump's hair.

But the potato is its own candidate.

And it has a compelling platform.

***********************

And there it ends.

Yeah, I misspelled "bacon."

I really want some potato skins now.

The post is over. Go home.

This Post Is for Sandra Bland

I'm thinking a lot about Sandra Bland, the 28-year-old community activist who died in a Texas jail last week after being arrested for "assault of a public servant."

She loved selfies, and was damn good at them.

On July 10, she was pulled over in Waller County, Texas for failing to signal a lane change. That's an excuse that many law enforcement officers use to meet their quota for traffic stops. Typically those stops end with a warning, providing the offender has a clean record.

I mean, I'm a law-abiding, white, middle-aged woman, and I've been pulled over for having a headlight not working or an expired registration sticker. Each time I've spoken briefly with a polite, respectful law enforcement representative who let me off with a warning.

Apparently my experience is not universal.

I had no idea such a traffic stop could be fatal for those who aren't (like me) middle-aged, white, blond(ish) and blue(ish)-eyed.

Which is what happened to Sandra Bland, who was pulled over for failing to signal a lane change and ended up dead in a jail cell three days later.

Sandra was a young black woman, by the way.

She was forcibly removed from her car, slammed against the ground, taken to jail. Because she improperly signaled a lane change. Because she dared smoke a cigarette in her car. Because a white law enforcement officer couldn't keep his shit against a black driver (?).

Sandra Bland was not just verbally abused, or jailed unjustly, or treated unfairly. Sandra Bland died, you guys. She allegedly killed herself following a traffic stop during which she was verbally and physically abused and treated with gross disrespect by an officer of the law.

How is that even the same lady?

If that had been someone like me, the story would be so very different.

Why?

Sandra Bland was, by all accounts, an intelligent, educated, utterly worthwhile human being.

She died in a Texas jail cell for the crime of irritating a white law enforcement official.

How is that right or fair or just?

Answer: It's not.

Please don't let this post simply fade from your memory. Make it mean something, Drunkards.

Like it, share it, let its topic be known.

It's 2015, and equal treatment under the law still doesn't exist for all.

I can't live with that.

Sandra Bland didn't live because of that.

Can you live with it?

Let's Talk. Maybe for the Last Time. But Let's Talk.

Before I begin, thanks so much for sharing the details of your Saturdays with me. You guys are an amazing bunch of folks. If you ever find yourselves in my neck of the woods, drinks are on me.

This is objectively the cutest picture in the universe.

Now let's talk about scumbag and bearer of an incredibly bad haircut Dylann Roof, aka the Charleston Church Murderer.

Evil should not look this dorky and insignificant, somehow.

Actually, let's not talk about him, because fuck him. He's a racist and a murderer and a cold-hearted asshole who prayed in a church with his victims before gunning them down. Let's put him away for life and then erase him from the annals of notoreity, please.

Instead, let's talk about the lengths to which certain people will go to distance themselves from the hatred and irrational ideology they patently share with this killer.

Let's talk about GOP Presidential candidate and perpetual embarrassment Dick Perry, who called the racially-motivated assassination of a state legislator and eight other people "an accident." At least until his high-octane spin machine was forced to derpsplain that "from the context of his comments, it is clear Gov. Perry meant incident," even though from the context, it is clear that Gov. Perry remains a tone-deaf idiot.

Let's talk about A.J. Delgado, the hateful columnist from Florida who, along with others of similar loathsome character, want us to believe Roof's violence wasn't racially motivated because "he doesn't look white".

Shown here: The poster boy for "white" as a bad thing.

Let's talk about douchebag-from-the-ground-up Chuck Todd, who aired a piece about gun violence on NBC's "Meet the Press" that claimed to be "color-blind" and then showed clips exclusively of black men who had committed murders with firearms, just a few days after the lily-white Roof unleashed unspeakable violence on peaceful black churchgoers.

Let's talk about another joke of a GOP candidate Lindsey Graham, who says the Confederate flag is "part of who we are [in South Carolina]," simultaneously embracing and distancing himself from people who continue to conflate "Southern pride" with institutionalized racism. 

Let's talk about the National Rifle Association's head mouthpiece/dilettante Charles Cotton, who wants us to know that the nine innocent victims were responsible for their own deaths because they didn't carry guns into a house of worship.

Let's talk about those - up to and including yet another GOP candidate, Rick Santorum - who want people to think the actions of a self-professed white supremacist against an historic African-American institution constituted "an assault on religious liberty" rather than a statement of hatred against people of color.

Let's talk about the fact that nine people are dead at the hands of someone who believed he was doing the world a favor by eliminating humans who were deemed inferior because the color of their skin was different from his.

Let's talk about what might have happened if this idiot hadn't been able to buy a gun as easily as a can of Coke.

Let's talk about an American state that still uses a racist, secessionist flag as an official symbol of its government and then feigns amazement that some of its citizens feel entitled to remain racist and secessionist.

Above all, let's talk.

Because this is never going to end until one side converts the other.

I'm asking you to pick a side. 

Unfollow me if you're not on my side.

Share this post if you agree with me.

Let's talk.