If I were not in a committed relationship and also a dude, I would totally swipe that in whatever direction you swipe when you dig someone on Tinder. Up? Down? Honestly, if I were not in a committed relationship I would be scared to death to sign up for Tinder because I got more than enough rejection in middle and high school to last a lifetime, thank you very much.
But I digress.
Obviously The Jeneral has an awesome Tinder profile. She's an awesome human, what do you expect? Or so I thought, until one small detail jumped out at me and punched me in the solar plexus aka the actual physical feels:
Dislikes penguins? Really?
Is that even something rational humans are capable of? Of which rational humans are capable?
Whatever.
LOOK AT THIS SWEETHEART OF THE ANTARCTIC.
*dying*
Anyway, I got into a spirited debate with one of The Jeneral's FB friends on the topic of penguins. Epithets were not hurled, but only because The Jeneral's FB friends (myself included) are classy af. But the message was clear: We did not and would not agree on the subject of penguins' absolute domination of the Most Kick-Ass Animal on the Planet category.
COME ON, PEOPLE.
Eventually I declared that the debate would have to be settled by my very own Drunkards, who represent a completely heterogeneous slice of society and not simply weird social media-addicted outcasts who revel in the Schadenfreude that is reading this blog.
Are you mofos even ready for that kind of responsibility?
Gunther wants to know.
Ready or not, I created a poll. It's very simple: Pro-penguin, or pro-no-joy-in-life-and-probably-also-eats-babies? Please vote below. It takes like literally two seconds. Vote, and I'll let you know what happens.
Whether the results are yay or nay, I'll rant about them in this space very soon.
<subliminal message>Vote pro-penguin and I'll send you a million Internet dollars.</subliminal message>
Thank you for your support.
Penguins: For or Against?
