Wednesday, April 19, 2017

LOL, 2017 Cell Phone Edition

A little over four years ago, I wrote this post about getting my first smartphone.

You guys, that post I linked to is so 2013
you may start humming One Direction tunes.
Yesterday I got a new smartphone. For the first time since 2013. Because apparently middle-aged white suburban single-mom dirtbag bloggers hold on to their phones for more than four years at a time, yeah?

My beloved phone was in pretty dire straits, you guys. It was slow. It no longer downloaded or updated apps. It greatly disliked the task of playing videos. It was beginning to resent the existence of Facebook. Precocious Daughter's iPhone 6 openly mocked it.

So was time for an upgrade.

After ruling out anything made by Apple, and anything that cost more than $600, I landed on the LG V20. It has the latest Android OS, a crap-ton of storage, amaaaaaazing dual cameras, and reportedly incredible audio (I haven't played with it yet). It's a big goddamn piece of hardware compared to what I had, but I can deal, you know?

Honestly, it's like six feet long.
But I'm willing to cope with that.

ADORE this new phone.

It has a removable battery, which has basically disappeared from today's phones.

It has a 3.5mm jack, which...yeah, ditto.

It has 64GB of storage, which I will soon expand with a nano-SD card (I did not even know that was a thing...NANO. Well, OK then.)

It doesn't freaking WHINE when I attempt to upgrade an app or download a new one.

Def not too proud to display this.

Anyway, I have a brand-new phone. It's so shiny, you guys.

Probably two in three of you have an even better phone.

For the record: I don't GAF.

This is about me, and feeling I've made the best choice.

Which I do.



If I ever get too old to geek out over a bigger screen, a faster processor, or a sweet-arse interface, Drunkards, just put me out of my misery.

I'll be back here in another four years crowing about the latest (way overdue) advance in phone technology, I promise.



  1. Congratulations on your new phone.
    About the time you were getting your first smartphone my father asked a woman if her smartphone was "an app". She was understandably confused.
    My parents got their first smartphone--which they share--a year ago and I'm pretty sure they still don't know what apps are.

  2. Hey, it looks smart.

    Someday, I'll post a picture of my phone. Everyone will get a good laugh.

    I've had it for 5 years and it was not anywhere near cutting edge 5 years ago. It would have been really ahead of its time in 1999, though.

  3. Yes, I can confirm, middle-aged suburban white women bloggers DO hang on to their phones for far too long. I think I had my last one for about five or six years and just upgraded about 3 months ago - also to an LG. I freaking LOVE this thing - so much so, that I'll probably hang on to it for about five or six years. Verizon hates me for this.

  4. I don't know what most of that means. I get dirtbag though. My phone is so smart it refuses to acknowledge emojis. If someone sends me a text, and they are braindead enough to put a motherfucking emoji in it, my phone will not accept the message. It shows up as a blank message. I love that and don't want to give up this elderly grumpy phone.


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