Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Mr. Dick Goes to Washington

So this happened.

President-elect (and possible relation to Jabba the Hut) Donald Trump has named former Texas Governor and two-time failed Presidential candidate Dick Perry as his choice to be the next Secretary of Energy.

I'm a long-time follower of Dick Perry. As you know.

As you definitely know.


The last time America saw Dick Perry, he was doing this.

Truth: I have nothing but admiration for anyone who is willing to make a complete fool of himself on national TV. It's on my personal bucket list, you guys. So that clip is for entertainment purposes only and not in any way a comment on Dick Perry's qualifications for a Cabinet position.

If you want a comment on his qualifications for a Cabinet position, here it is:

Oh God, no. No. Not in my homeland. Please. Slap me until I wake up from this unpleasant dream.

I'm not saying that Dick Perry won't have many enlightened ideas as Energy Secretary. Ideas such as: "Fracking is fracking awesome!" and "DAPL is good for real Americans (not those funny red people who are squatting on the land we want to use)" and of course "Let's let Texas do whatever it wants as long it involves OIL OIL OIL."

I'm sure Dick Perry's comment on his nomination would be something along the lines of this:

I applaud Jabba the Trump's choice of an old white male Christian conservative pandering frat boy as Secretary of Energy. After all, the office was created by (ugh) Jimmy Carter, so it's not like it's IMPORTANT, right?

Put someone in there who will look good while destroying America's natural resources for the benefit of a few shareholders and the corporate demons they support.

I just wish there were a Cabinet-level position of Secretary of Blowing Corndogs.

100% support. Look at that form.
Unfortunately, the American people have zero say in who is selected to be in the President's cabinet. And since the USA and Russia apparently voted in Donald Trump, we're stuck with his picks, as confirmed by the majority-Republican Senate.

I'm actually kind of pleased to have Dick Perry to kick around again. In a horrified, fearing-for-America sort of way.

Blog fodder is always good, you know?

Stay tuned, Drunkards. I'm about to get my Dick on.

1 comment:

  1. At first I objected to Rick Perry being asked to lead a department he proposed eliminating. That's kind of like putting a fox in every henhouse, unlike a previous Texas governor who once proposed putting a chicken in every pot. But after seeing how the man can dance and his corn dog fellatio technique I take it all back.


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