Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Setting the Record Straight

Bill the Butcher has expressed concern over my "death-obsessed" posts recently.

To which I say: They're not death-obsessed. They're funeral-obsessed. Totally different. I'm not at all concerned about my death. It will occur when and how it will, with absolutely no input from me (I promise). But my funeral? Shit, that's my very last chance to express myself, and Imma grab hold and squeeze that bitch dry.

This here is FINE with me. Really.
Bill, I'm fine, I promise.

Meanwhile, a couple of Drunkards have taken issue with the playlist I've chosen for my funeral. Like, that it's too long, or too depressing. And looking back over some of my selections, I can see that I may be setting a mood that is a bit gloomier than I intended. So here be a few additional tracks to liven things up:

"Paradise," the Buzzcocks

"Godzilla," Blue Oyster Cult (because "Don't Fear the Reaper" is just cliché)

"Bring on the Night," the Police

"How Do You Like Me Now?" the Heavy

"Temple," Kings of Leon

"Pedestrian At Best," Courtney Barnett (this song drives me crazy, but Precocious Daughter likes it, and funerals are for the living yada yada, so there you go)

"We Go Together," cast of Grease (I'm envisioning a sing-along finale here. Come in costume if you like. Best Doody wins a door prize.)

As for length...look, I promise my funeral won't be any longer than your average Academy Awards broadcast. Three-and-a-half, four hours, tops. Dress up nice, hit the bar, and enjoy yourself. Unlike the Oscars, this won't be a yearly event. Humor me.

And now I'm officially done talking about my funeral. You all know what to do when the time comes, and you've got approximately 100 years to pull it together. See you then.

(If you missed the rest of my ramblings on funerals and playlists, read this and this.)


  1. Honestly, I think planning your funeral is a-okay. I'd rather have it done and planned so my loved ones don't even have to think about anything when I know they will be sad- even though I've told them I don't want a sad funeral. I want a Weekend at Bernie's funeral, with me sitting there, and everyone partying.

    It's when someone makes funeral plans and starts hinting at death that you need to worry. Playlists and all are nothing.

    Besides, you know we love you anyways. Who wouldn't want our adoration? ;)

  2. In spite of your recent troubles it's always seemed pretty clear that you want to live. You're just in a transitional phase of your life right now and it would really be weird if that didn't have you thinking about the biggest transition of all. I'm glad you're in no hurry to cash in your chips and I certainly hope it doesn't happen anytime soon, but the unexpected has an annoying habit of catching us by surprise.
    There's nothing wrong with planning for the future no matter how far off it is.
    And you've got a hell of a playlist going. I'd love to put it on random as a reminder that, at best, we can only make educated guesses about what's coming next.


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