Monday, July 13, 2015

On Separation Anxiety and Quality Beards (In One Post, Really)

Tomorrow Precocious Daughter is flying to New York to visit her paternal grandmother for a week.

Which is wonderful for her. She doesn't get to spend enough time with any of her grandparents, and of course any opportunity to spend time in the Big Apple is not to be missed. The last time she was there she visited the Jersey shore, saw a Broadway show, and toured Radio City Music Hall. This time she may hit up MOMA, Ellis Island, and of course, see another Broadway show.

I will miss her terribly.

Also, I will put my house up for sale while she's gone. One less teenager in the house means it will be infinitely easier to keep clean for showings. I sort of wish her father were going away for the same reason.

Aside: Why does it require three butter knives to cook a plate of spaghetti? Because that's just one highlight of what I had to clean up this morning. I don't know if it's wrong to divorce someone for being a slob, but it sure as hell doesn't feel wrong to me.

But I digress.

I would love to book a hotel room and have a bit of a staycation while PDaughter is away. But I just know that if I'm not at the house 24/7, he will sabotage all my efforts to sell it, just by making a goddamn mess, which is his default mode.

Did I already ask if it's wrong to get divorced because you're tired of living in someone else's pervasive, thoughtless filth?

Is it possible to love someone and absolutely not want to spend one more minute living with him?

Back to where I started: PDaughter leaves for New York tomorrow, and I hope she has an amazing time, although I will miss her every moment she's away.

There is a chance, because of the red-hot local real estate market, that the house will be under contract by the time she comes home.

If it's not, I'm going to start to panic, because I sort of require the proceeds from the sale to start the new life I've already set in motion for my kiddo and me.

How freaking ironic would it be if I became financially dependent on my spouse after 25 years of being the breadwinner?

Very ironic, if by "ironic" you mean "horrifying and unthinkable."

On a completely different topic, I'm thinking of creating a "How Wonderful/Terrible Is Your Facial Hair?" quiz for my male Drunkards. I just have to find a code shell and customize it. Do any of my male readers want to know how wonderful/terrible his facial hair is, according to a 100% objective and not subject to my input program?

If you're a bearded lady, same question.

The world is full of wonders.


  1. With a greying goatee I keep trimmed as close to the skin as possible, sure.

  2. Fingers crossed for a quick sale!

  3. Fingers crossed for a quick sale!

  4. When I was a young lad my parents took me to the Big Apple. My mother wanted to see a Broadway show and had heard Oh! Calcutta! was a rip-roaring good time. Seriously. Other family members tried to tell her it wasn't appropriate for a youngster but, being my mother, she wouldn't listen. Then we went by a poster and my mother quickly traded in the tickets so we could see 42nd Street instead.

    I'm guessing PD won't be seeing Oh! Calcutta! either, but I know she's mature and worldly-wise enough that she'd be fine with it.

    I can't wait to have my facial hair, what there is of it, judged by a completely objective program. I hope it has a section for those of us who could go a week without shaving and still wouldn't have enough facial hair for it to be noticeable.


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