Friday, March 28, 2014

Bill, Meet Ted

I have declared Twitter war on Ted Nugent.

He doesn't even know what to do with that information.
It is my intention to engage in physical combat with Mr. Nugent. Anytime, anywhere. Because he's a bad egg and I want to fry his ass.

Faithful Drunkard Bill the Butcher, whom I love not least because he allows me to legitimately claim my blog has international readership, had this to say about my quest for a #TedNugentBeatdown:

"Do I need to look up who Ted Nugent is?"

So, first, of all, neener neener, Ted Nugent, there are people who have no goddamn idea who you are. That makes us practically soulmates. Both of those things must gall you to no end.

It means to annoy or perturb, Teddy.
For Bill's benefit, here's Ted Nugent in a nutshell (and believe me, that term is apt in so many ways).

Ted Nugent is a former 70s-era generic hard-rock musician originally from Detroit, Michigan.  He enjoyed popularity for AOR hits like "Cat Scratch Fever" and "Wango Tango," and for having a stage persona best described as half wild man and half Messiah complex.


Assuming the Messiah wore camo.
Anyway, after his musical notoriety inevitably waned, Teddy made a decision to remain relevant by talkin' about guns 'n huntin' 'n 'Murica.

And being anti-drug while admitting to taking crystal methedrine in the 60s to avoid serving in Vietnam.

And bragging (in interviews and in song) about being a sexual predator and a pedophile.

And aligning himself with the most extreme right wing of the Republican Party, which continues to turn a blind eye to the fact that their rock and roll poster child is a complete batshit goon.

But don't rely on my poor words. Here are some actual quotes from the "man" himself.

“I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the ACORN community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America.”

Speaking at a NRA conference in 2012: "If Barack Obama becomes the president in November again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year." 


He's such a liar.
 "My being there (South Africa) isn't going to affect any political structure. Besides, apartheid isn’t that cut-and-dry. All men are not created equal."

"There are hundreds of millions of gun owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of guns comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children. Period."
(I'm not sure Teddy knows how many people actually live in America, or how patently stupid this statement is from start to finish.)

"What’s a feminist anyways? A fat pig who doesn’t get it often enough?"

"Foreigners are assholes; foreigners are scum; I don’t like ‘em; I don’t want ‘em in this country; I don’t want ‘em selling me doughnuts; I don’t want ‘em pumping my gas; I don’t want ‘em downwind of my life - OK?"

"There will come a time when the gun owners of America, the law-abiding gun owners of America, will be the Rosa Parks and we will sit down on the front seat of the bus."

"I'm an extremely loving, passionate man, and people who investigate me honestly, without the baggage of political correctness, ascertain the conclusion that I'm a damned nice guy, and if you can find a screening process more powerful than that, I'll suck your dick. Or I'll fuck you, how's that sound?"

Isn't he a delight, Bill?

No, he isn't, and that's why I'm declaring war on Ted Nugent. If he's man enough to engage me.

I don't think he is, personally.

Also, what the hell are you wearing, dude?
You're a freaking millionaire Republican.
Stop dressing like a backwoods fashion victim.
The hashtag is #TedNugentBeatdown. Every time you use it, you help bring about the day when an old right-wing media whore gets in the ring with an out-of-shape suburban mom.

God Bless America.
There are hundreds of millions of gun owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of guns comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tednugent189520.html#OoJAgDxdYiE8cIfS.99
There are hundreds of millions of gun owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of guns comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children. Period.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tednugent189520.html#OoJAgDxdYiE8cIfS.99

2 comments:

  1. "I don’t want ‘em
    downwind of my life."

    That's unusually considerate of him, isn't it? Assuming he knows what downwind means.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think I am quite jealous of Bill the Butcher. I think sinking into anonymity, of course after getting his well deserved beat down is fitting.

    ReplyDelete

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