The FOURTH contract on my house just fell through. My house has attracted every goddamn flaky buyer and realtor in North Texas. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? JUST BUY THE FUCKING HOUSE.
My dad has sent me a bit of money to help tide me over until the stupid house finally sells. Also, he sent me a TEXT MESSAGE to let me know he has cancer.
Sure, why not?
My Precocious Daughter has a urinary tract infection, because she promised to tell me when she was going to become sexually active but didn't.
My almost-ex keeps calling me to pour out his heart and troubled soul, using the word "disaster" despite my explicit prohibition on that word. I have my own fucking problems, and having to listen to your problems is one problem I thought I was free of.
Also, he's selling some antique furniture he owns for a pretty penny, yet still wants me to know that he's in dire financial straits. Because let's make everything my fault until the end of time.
In conclusion: My dad has cancer. My daughter is having sex and getting infections. My spouse is using me as his emotional sounding board despite the fact that we are no longer a couple.
Oh, and I'm making $19 an article to write for an online magazine.
So it all evens out, right?
PLEASE you guys, tell me something that is going utterly right in your life. I need to hear it.