God's Administrative Assistant: Episode III

Excerpts from the inbox of peggy@heaven.org



From: The Boss (yhwh@heaven.org)
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 08:01 a.m.
To: Peggy
Subject: Facebook
Peggy:
Did you get My friend request? I don't see you on My wall.
Y


From: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 08:10 a.m.
To: The Boss
Subject: Re: Facebook
Thanks for wanting to friend me, but I'd rather keep our relationship professional, K? No offense. I do follow your Twitter feed.

Kind of a busy day coming up. The Casey Anthony verdict is making a lot of people invoke you. What's the official position?

Peggy


From: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 8:16 a.m.
To: Peggy
Subject: Re: Re: Facebook

None taken. And that's not actually My Twitter feed. Just some blasphemer riffing on Me. Funny as The Other Place, though. Anyway, on Casey Anthony, these people should know I don't comment on court cases. That's why I created Nancy Grace. She'll get hers on Judgment Day. Casey Anthony, that is - lol.

See you after the staff meeting.
Y

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To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 09:51 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Weather Subcommittee

Peggy:
Just got the quarterly report from the Weather Subcommittee. I'm not a happy Supreme Being. Wildfires, tornadoes, flooding, record heat, and that's just the United States. Where's the oversight? We should have turned this group over to Mother Nature right after the tsunami in Japan. People are sinners, but gee whiz, none of this is making Me seem very merciful.

I'm looking at a complete reorg of the Climate Department. Do you have the original template of our org chart? I want to move some things around.
Y


To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 10:00 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: Weather Subcommittee


Here's the file for the org chart. Let me know if I can help.

Peggy


To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 10:12 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Re: Weather Subcommittee  

Is this PowerPoint? I hate doing graphics in PowerPoint. Who does this stuff? This is why all creation needs to happen through Me. If people don't know the software, they shouldn't be messing with the files. Grrr.
Y
 
To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 10:16 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Weather Subcommittee
 
||If people don't know the software, they shouldn't be messing with the files.
 
Is that a little genetic engineering humor? J/K Write your changes out longhand and I'll put them in the chart.
 
Peggy
 
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To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 11:26 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Prayer Requests
 
Just got a surge of prayer requests from England. They're all from News of the World staffers about to lose their jobs. Normally I'd just farm these out to the patron saints, but I wanted to pass the breakdown by you for your input:
 
45% - praying for financial assistance and/or new jobs
28% - praying for the families whose lives were affected by the phone hacking scandal
17% - wishing bodily harm on Rupert Murdoch and his progeny
10% - wondering what will become of the Page 3 girls
 
As you can see, some of these are outside our brief. I'll just put the Murdoch requests in his file with all the other ones (note to self: get bigger file). Not sure what to do about the girls. Maybe Peter...? Nah.
Peggy
 
 
To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 11:43
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Prayer Requests
 
What part of Thou Shalt Not Kill do these humans not understand? Why is everything that comes across my desk about people murdering each other or wanting to? You give them a beautiful planet, some brains, and free will, yet all they think about is settling scores. My job, people. My. Job. I've got a half a mind to let Gabriel blow his horn on 'em all.
 
Sorry for the rant. I think I'll take a long lunch and hit a Zumba class.
Y
 
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To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 2:37 p.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: http://nyan.cat/
 
I don't get it. I've been watching for 20 minutes now, and absolutely nothing seems to be happening. Is this St. Isidore's idea of a joke? Is it like being Rickrolled?
Y
 
To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 2:40 p.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: nyan.cat
 
What have I told you about those forwarded links? Just delete it. P.S. Look out your window. You can see the space shuttle.
 
Peggy
 
 
To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 2:48 p.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Space program
 
I never get tired of watching man reaching for the heavens. This is the last flight, isn't it?
Y
 
 
To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 2:54 p.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: Space program
 
Yes, it is. Too expensive, not enough return on investment.
 
Peggy
 
 
To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 2:59 p.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Re: Space program
 
Unlike fighting wars all over the planet, I suppose. None of my business, really, but...I put all that effort into creating an amazing universe, and they haven't even explored like a billionth of it. All they want to do is blow up the Earth while they're still on it. Maybe I should have scattered them across a wider area. Hindsight, amiright?
Y
 
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To: The Boss
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 4:23 p.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Calendar
 
Don't forget you have to head out early tonight for Ferdinand von Zeppelin's party. It's his 173rd birthday.
 
Peggy
 
 
To: Peggy
Date: Friday, 8 July 2011, 4:29 p.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Calendar
 
Thanks for the reminder. I'll leave as soon as I finish this level on Angry Birds.


Ordinarily I don't do birthday parties, but I hear Zeppelin's got a great band this year. John Bonham will be sitting in on drums. I just hope they don't do "Stairway to Heaven." So overplayed.
Y
 
 
More of Peggy's e-mails can be found here and here.