The Further Adventures of God's Administrative Assistant

Excerpts from the inbox of peggy@heaven.org


From: The Boss (yhwh@heaven.org)
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 07:52 a.m.
To: Peggy
Subject:  Computer problems

Peggy:
I think my e-mail is down.  Please let me know if you don't get this.
Y


From: Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 08:21 a.m.
To: The Boss
Subject: Re: Computer problems

I didn't get it. :-)  Srsly, IT said the e-mail was down earlier, but it's OK now.  Getting a lot of messages from the Middle East this week.  They opened up some capacity on the server and blocked Mubarak's domain, and that took care of it.

Peggy

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To:  Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 08:59 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Northern Hemisphere status update

Peggy:
Snowfall totals are looking a little high in North America.  Are these numbers right?
Y


To: The Boss
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 09:06 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: Northern Hemisphere status update

Unfortunately, the numbers are correct.  We're still trying to unstick the valve on the jet stream.  As you know, America is getting tired of the ice and snow. Our operative in Punxatawney missed his shadow last week, and folks are expecting Spring sooner rather than later. Will keep you up to date.


To: Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 09:10 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Re: Northern Hemisphere status update

K, thx.
Y
 
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To: The Boss
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 11:01 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Schedule reminder

Don't forget the Super Bowl debriefing at 2:00 today.

Peggy


To: Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 11:09 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Schedule reminder

Super Bowl debriefing??? What in My name is that, and who said I had to attend?
Y


To: The Boss
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 11:15 a.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Re: Re: Schedule reminder

This is Peter's deal, remember?  He brought up the idea of turning Super Week into a moral lesson about sin, but it got a little out of hand, and now the Retribution Committee is meeting to pass out mea culpas and takeaways.  You said you'd be there if you didn't have a schedule conflict.

And before you ask, you don't.

Peggy


To:  Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 11:25 a.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Schedule reminder

Jesus (oops).  I didn't know anything about this.  Damn Americans and their football.  Can't they just play cricket?  Nice, quiet, civilized game.  Makes me sorry the British Empire couldn't hold it together.  Looking back, I maybe should have helped them out a little more.  Hindsight, am I right?  End of rant.  Can you give me a quick and dirty summary of the situation so I don't look completely non-omniscient here?
Y
 
 
To: The Boss
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 1:16 p.m.
From: Peggy
Subject: Super Bowl Summary
 
Background:  The Super Bowl (Wikipedia entry here) was hosted in Arlington, Texas this year at Cowboys Stadium (link here), owned by Jerry Jones (you already know all about him).  Mr. Jones seemed intent on bringing all of the Seven Deadly Sins to town for the Big Game, e.g.:
 
Lust:  10,000 out-of-town strippers were recruited to meet demand
Sloth:  A contractor failed to install temporary seating for 1,200 ticket holders
Greed:  A soft pretzel went for US$10 at the stadium
Gluttony:  Twelve tons of nachos were consumed during the game
Envy:  Some ticket prices nearly equaled the per capita yearly income in Arlington
Pride:  Jerry's, of course
Wrath:  Mostly what resulted (see below)

Since the weather patterns were already messed up, Peter decided to send North Texas an unaccustomed blast of winter to see if Mr. Jones really understood the concept of grace.  Some ice, a little snow, record cold temperatures, that kind of thing.  But he left the planning meeting early (apparently he's a big Don Kirshner fan and wanted to meet him at the gates), and then the lesser angels started brainstorming and a lot of really bad ideas got proposed and approved.  Just my two cents, but maybe we shouldn't be handing out committee assignments in lieu of bonuses - some of these ophanim are *not* ready for the responsibility.

Long story short, a lot of local businesses suffered because pre-game events got canceled or postponed.  Then six people got hurt when a bunch of ice slid off the roof of the stadium.  A charity concert featuring Prince (you do know who he is, right? I'll put some of his tunes on your iPod) was on-again off-again and finally canceled, and kids who had traveled from all over the country to be part of the show were sent home empty-handed.  The singing of the national anthem kind of sucked, too.  And then, at the end of the game, the wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers (you placed third in the pool, BTW) said the whole thing was because of you.  I'm sure he meant it as a compliment, but still.

So there's the broad outline.  Peter will be running the meeting; you mostly just have to look stern and retributive.  J/K. 

Peggy


To:  Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 1:47 p.m.
From: The Boss
Subject: Re: Super Bowl Summary

Thanks, Peggy.  Sounds like I may have to spread some mercy around if Peter gets worked up. 
Y

P.S.  Who has my winnings for the pool?

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From: Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 2:28 p.m.
To:  The Boss
Subject:  OMY! OMY! OMY!

I sure hope you're checking your BlackBerry.  We need you out here now!!!!!

Peggy


From: The Boss via BlackBerry
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 2:30 p.m.
To: Peggy
Subject: Re: OMY! OMY! OMY!

What up?
Y


From: Peggy
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 2:33 p.m.
To: The Boss
Subject: Re: Re: OMY! OMY! OMY!

Mubarek just resigned - Cairo wants you to take a bow.  Suleiman could use a quick blessing as he takes the reins, too.

Peggy


From:  The Boss via BlackBerry
Date: Friday, February 11 2011, 2:34 p.m.
To: Peggy
Subject:  Thank Me!

Not sure I can take credit - the will of the people vs. the will of Me and all that - but if it gets me out of this damn meeting, blessings on the whole of Egypt coming up!  Can you find out what's Arabic for Mazel Tov?
Y


To read the first Peggy post, click here.