My Coat of Many Cookies

A long time ago, in a marriage far, far away, my mother-in-law gifted me a black London Fog trench coat. It did not come with three raccoons pretending to be a person, but it was still really nice.

You can get this awesome pin
from strikegently.co, and honestly
you should. (Not a paid endorsement.)

I don't know exactly how long I've had this coat. Twenty years, at least. Possibly 25. I don't remember if I got it before or after Precocious Daughter was born. 

(As an aside: PDaughter turns 25 today. I've made the conscious decision not to devote an entire post to it, mostly because she's a whole-ass adult and entitled to more privacy than I afforded her when she was under my roof and easy blog fodder. Suffice to say she was a sassy 10-year-old when I first introduced her here, and now she's halfway through her 20s. Yes, I feel old, thanks for asking.)

Anyway, if you've ever owned a London Fog trench coat, you know that they last forever. They're well-made, well-wearing, and don't ever go out of style. 

Exhibit A.

What they can't do, however, is physically increase in size as their owner, well, gets older and fatter. My trench coat, which was a bit large on me when I first got it, no longer closes comfortably over my various middle-aged body parts. And so, several months ago I embarked on a search to replace my beloved trench.

I had two criteria for a new coat - just two: It had to have a hood, and it had to have a removable liner. And I guess there was an unspoken third criterion: It couldn't cost the equivalent of a car payment. I don't have a car payment right now, and I'm not about to spend that kind of money on something that doesn't even have cupholders.

This has been a surprisingly difficult quest. It's taken months. I just couldn't find a trench coat that met my (I thought) pretty basic requirements. I was reminded of an old Sesame Street skit where a lady is shopping for a blue furry coat. First the salesperson shows her a coat that's furry but not blue, then one that's blue but not furry. Just as she's about to give up, along comes Cookie Monster, who of course is furry and blue. Delighted, she ends up wearing him out of the store, and yeah, that's actually pretty damn weird, isn't it?

Well, the other night I finally found my Cookie Monster. I took the drastic step of going to the mall (which was a pretty sad experience, a topic for another post) and combing through the coat racks at various brick-and-mortar stores. And at last, there it was: Lining, removable. Hood, present and also removable. Brand: London Fog (which wasn't a requirement, but still a score). Color: Classic Columbo tan. Buttons: All able to close without making muffled groaning sounds.

The price was...OK, it was more than I was hoping to spend. On the other hand, when I amortized it over the next 20 years, it was almost ridiculously affordable. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So I finally have a sweet new three-season coat (ain't nobody wearing a coat in Texas in July, and it doesn't rain anyway). It only took six months and a pile of my disposable income to find it. But it's almost perfect. If only it came with cookies...