Dick Sends Pics. Really.

Eric Bolling, who I guess has a show on Fox News, has been suspended from the network pending an investigation into alleged wrongdoing.

Specifically, several female Fox News employees have accused Mr. Bolling of texting them unsolicited photographs of his genitalia.

History will show that there was a Squidward reaction GIF
for every situation.

I have a few points I wish to make on this subject.

First: I don't know who Eric Bolling is.

I don't watch Fox News. I knew who Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly were, but they're both gone. I know who Tucker Carlson is, because he used to wear those ridiculous bowties on CNN before he decided that impartial journalism is for suckers. But I have no idea what Eric Bolling says or does. Whatever it is, he's been suspended from saying or doing it while he's accused of texting unsolicited dick pics to female co-workers.

Second: Why do women work at Fox News?

I totally get that there are female conservatives. I respect their views, even though they differ from my own. What I don't understand is how any woman can look at a cable news channel that is overtly anti-equality, anti-choice, anti-feminism and think, "I want to work there, yeah buddy." I assume they think they're gaming the system for personal gain, and that's great. But don't whine because you didn't realize the tiger was a carnivore.

Third: Let's talk about male genitalia.

News flash: The human penis is not intrinsically attractive. The scrotal area is not physically appealing. Speaking as only one woman, I find the male sexual organs to be unfortunately placed and unnecessarily vulnerable to harm. My own boyfriend describes them as as God's 5:45 on a Friday decision with regard to configuration and placement.

In other words, the physical appearance of your bait and tackle is unlikely to stir sexy-feels in any thinking, feeling woman.

So sending a photograph of your junk to a woman is like sending a pic of your big toe, or your left knee, or the blackhead on your ear.

And sending it unsolicited and without context is almost exactly like posting a Tinder profile that says "I'm a complete tool and treat women as objects, swipe if you have zero self-esteem like me."

Let me repeat if you didn't get the message.

Nobody cares what your penis looks like.

Nobody cares what your penis looks like.

Don't send me pictures of your freaking penis, because nobody cares.

I totally realize that the people who need to hear this message will not hear this message.

Still, I'll try.

Got it?