Sunday, September 4, 2016

Who Wants to See a Nude Photo of My Boyfriend?

I don't know what to do, you guys.

Not exactly an unfamiliar state of mind, though.
Last night I took a nekkid photo of Drummer Boy.

That's right, I'm an aging GenX-er, and I still do dumbass millennial stuff like taking nude pictures on my cell phone. We are the world, kumbaya, circle of life, whatever.

But I digress.

Technically, he wasn't naked naked. Because of emoji pillows.

You've seen these, right? They sell them on Amazon, at Walgreens, at Walmart...I got mine at Michael's. Because I just thought they were crazy adorable.

My decor is eclectic, all right?

Precocious Daughter and I like our emoji pillows. They're a pop of color, a fun accent, a thing to throw at the Siamese kitten when she starts scratching at the balcony doors to go out and potentially leap four stories to her death.

Also, like all the best interior decor, they will seem
ludicrously anachronistic in later years.

In short, last night, after we spent a wonderful afternoon together, Drummer Boy inexplicably ended up naked in my living room. It's baffling. Total mystery to me. I don't know how these things happen.

I threatened to take an incriminating photo. He called my bluff. He was fine with it. But then I had an even better idea.

I decided to censor the image with my emoji pillows. Then I took the picture, with smiling yellow faces over his face and  malehooditude.

It's freaking hilarious, you guys. I totally recommend you acquire emoji pillows for your next session of boudoir photography.

Oooh, sexytime.

So what's the conundrum? Well, Drummer Boy loved the photo. In fact, he gave me explicit, written permission to publish it. In fact in fact, he encouraged me to feature it in a blog post. After all, it doesn't show any naughty bits. It doesn't show his face. And it's...yeah, it's freaking hilarious.

My baby is comfortable in his skin and has a warped sense of humor. He's pretty much perfect that way.

But I'm hesitant to show the world this amazing photo. As I said, it's not explicit and it's totally anonymous (I mean, except for those of you who happen to know Drummer Boy, in which case I must revert to the whole it's not explicit thing and also don't dare use your filthy imagination to fill in the details). Drummer Boy has no problem with me putting it up here.

I'm going to chalk it up to lingering traces of Catholic shame, combined with being raised in an era when sex education was taught mostly in abstruse code, lest anyone actually learn anything about sex. Oh, and let's throw in some decades-old body dysmorphia, because hey why not?

The human body is strange and scary, amiright?
Bottom line: This post is about a photo of Drummer Boy and a couple of emoji pillows, but does not feature said photo.

My question is: Do you want to see it? Are you interested? It's PG-13 at worst, it's totes adorbs, it's funny as hell. I have permission to use it.

What do you think?

If enough of you weigh in yea or nay, I'll let you know the outcome. And I might post the photo if you guys tell me to go for it.

Here's your chance. Chime in, everybody.

Update: I just messaged Drummer Boy that I was going to run this post about the photo, and he replied (and I quote), "Go ahead, I told you to use it [smiley face emoji]."

So, yeah. I'm ready to go live with this if you guys say so.


  1. As cute as it would be, keep it as a memento for yourself. The puppy suffices for the masses :)

  2. As cute as it would be, keep it as a memento for yourself. The puppy suffices for the masses :)

  3. I'm not an art critic but I play one online and believe the human body is a work of art. And I have a mental image of Drummer Boy and would like to see how close I am.
    And yet there's also something to be said for the imagination. A picture may be worth a thousand words but sometimes a handful of words can be just as powerful.
    Who am I kidding? I think you should publish it. Heck, I think you should do a whole series with different emojis for different moods.
    Scratch that last idea. Once is enough even though Drummer Boy would probably love it.

  4. I know Drummer Boy, and I'll stick to imagination, thankee :D

  5. I dislike emojis with probably more passion than they warrant. I think the use of them is a leap backwards in human communications, so I'm not really a good person to answer the question. Which wasn't even about emojis, I know. I think I need to leave now.

  6. Well obviously post it.
    *comes from a person who posted her own half naked pictures on her blog because was so proud of how the whole photoshoot went

  7. Seriously ... do you even need to ask?


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.