Wednesday, September 28, 2016

What Cats Can Teach Us About Foreign Policy

You guys.

The Siamese Kitten is being very murder-y.

She's biting my legs. Repeatedly. And making weird cat-on-the-warpath yowly noises in between chomps.

Fortunately, I have enough leg fat to deflect a serious bite. Her mouth just isn't that big.

The crocodile is my thigh in this photo.
Anyway, I did nothing to provoke this vicious attack. Nothing.

Oh, wait. I petted her and told her she was pretty. And she retaliated with murderous intent.

What the hell was I thinking?
Drunkards, let this be a lesson: Do not shower someone with flattery and affection and expect immunity from random, irrational displays of aggression.

You'd think America would have learned this lesson at any time over the last 40 years of dealing with various Middle Eastern regimes.

Clearly, nobody in the government has owned a Siamese cat.

Do not wake the sleeping demon. For real.
I invite any of the Presidential candidates to come to my home with bare legs and interact with the Siamese Kitten.

Whoever emerges with the fewest toothmarks on their flesh gets my vote.

Just putting it out there.


  1. Clearly Kitten needs another Kitten. Then you can have that foreign policy called LYAHF. Remember that? Lets You And Him Fight. God, I am old.

  2. "Allowing the kitten to chew our leg is a good deal for us. If we don't allow the kitten to chew our leg it'll chew the leg of one of our neighbors. It'll chew the leg of China or Russia."
    -Senator Bob Corker, Tennessee

  3. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that cats have many pointy bits that hurt, and they're kinda mean. I give them all a wide berth. Sorry, Chuck, you asked the wrong Drunkard this time.

  4. Can we launch the cat at The Donald's face?


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