Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Scene from a Liquor Store in Addison, Texas

To the two dudebros who got booted from the liquor store after trying to buy a plastic bottle of Burnett's Sour Apple vodka because the one who could legally buy it had just turned 21 yet hadn't bothered to renew his driver's license on this milestone birthday and so didn't have a valid ID to prove his age and then got all pissy about it when the no-nonsense cashier explained that if the police wouldn't accept an expired license then neither would she and then marched their ironic white t-shirts and baggy plaid pants and patchy facial hair out of there sans grown-up beverage while we laughed and laughed:

Fucking Burnett's Sour Apple vodka? Really?

Read this.
Best. Review. Ever.

Dudes, aim higher. By which I mean, don't buy anything from the bottom shelf at the liquor store. Ever. Not if you want to be treated like men rather than poseurs who buy their clothes from the Young Douchebro department at Sears. Real talk: If it's not Coke or Gatorade, it has no place being sold in a plastic bottle. If you had confidently set down a 750 mL of Belvedere, you probably wouldn't have been carded in the first place. That's a man's vodka. Take it from a woman who drinks like a man.

Grown-ass men do not drink Burnett's Sour Apple vodka, regardless of age.

Shown here: Working his way up to Burnett's.
Come back when you're mature enough to renew your driver's license on time and not disrespect a lady old enough to be your mom.

Here's hoping you found a 7-Eleven that was willing to look the other way while you stocked up MD 20/20. You can play Fallout 4 all night on that shit.

Enjoy.

Love,
Chuck
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6 comments:

  1. Bill the ButcherJanuary 6, 2016 at 10:37 PM

    Hereabouts, most cheaper brands of rum and whiskey are sold in plastic bottles, and you can but Tango Orange or Lime vodka (albeit in frosted glass bottles). Not that I like vodka. Or tea. Strange for a Russophile, hmm?

    ReplyDelete
  2. aeJanuary 7, 2016 at 1:44 AM

    Fallout 4 is superfun and best played sober, imo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ChristopherJanuary 7, 2016 at 8:26 AM

    It's unlikely those dudebros will ever thank that woman for saving them from buying what's basically a high-alcohol wine cooler. Remember wine coolers?
    Yeah, anyone who remembers wine coolers has desperately tried to forget the nausea-inducing memories that go with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chuck BaudelaireJanuary 7, 2016 at 9:28 PM

      Wine coolers, perms, and pleated pants. Yes, I remember.

      Delete
  4. robinjackAugust 23, 2020 at 5:45 AM

    First of all, you need to find an empty glass bottle. Any recycled bottle will work, it doesn't matter what size, color or shape the glass bottle is. If you love the look of a particular wine or liquor bottle, then that is the one you should use. You should also have at least one spare bottle to practice on..   empty liquor bottles wholesale

    ReplyDelete

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.

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