Monday, January 4, 2016

An Even Shorter Living Dead Story

So my dear evil bastard friend and fellow blogger Bill the Butcher has posted what he dares to suggest is "(Possibly) The Shortest Living Dead Story Ever."

You should read it. It's really good. And, as promised, short.

You don't think I'm going to let a challenge like that go unanswered, do you? Oh hell no. And so, I present my even shorter living dead story:


Once there was a music promoter who was terrible at his job. He never got it right when he hired acts to perform. When he was supposed to book Twenty One Pilots, he booked 15 pilots, four co-pilots, and two navigators. When he should have booked Smashing Pumpkins, Gallagher showed up. Instructed to find an opening act for Bruno Mars, he booked 30 Seconds to Mars and asked them if they could possibly stretch it to 20 minutes. The folks who showed up expecting a show from 2 Chainz were mightily disappointed that he chose Wendy's and Hollister. When asked to get Ariana Grande, he reported that the closest thing he could find was macchiato grande, but don't worry, he got enough for everyone. And when he was told to book Taylor Swift, baffled audiences were treated to two hours of a little Korean lady hemming slacks at a rapid pace.


One day he was assigned to a 1960s revival show. His boss instructed him to book the Zombies.

Instead he hired an actual horde of undead flesh-eaters, and they ate the entire audience, Lulu, and three members of the Guess Who.

He probably should have been fired, but the zombies caught him and pulled out his entrails and what little they could find of his brains.

The actual Zombies band could not be reached for comment, as they were stuck at a Walker Con in Des Moines, Iowa.


Think you can do better? Go on, I dare ya.


  1. Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

    What's macchiato grande?

  2. I couldn't dare do better than either one. Both are now in my top three favorite living dead moments--the third being the whole "Don't Stop Me Now" scene from Shaun Of The Dead.


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