Monday, November 30, 2015

What Would You Do, Drunkards?

Tell me what you think, Drunkards.

Darling Dog - who, to refresh your memory, now lives with my almost-ex - has the canine equivalent of a kidney stone.

OK, sure.
The vet has recommended surgery, as the stone is probably causing DDog some discomfort, and if it were to shift, would become a blockage requiring emergency removal.

DDog has been very healthy over his lifetime. This is really his first health crisis in 11 years of, you know, dogness.

Here's the thing. The surgery will cost $1600. One thousand, six hundred Amerikanski dollars, you guys.

The good news: My almost-ex recently received a significant financial windfall from the sale of our house. He has more than enough money to fund the surgery.

The, um, other news: Because of the circumstances of selling our house (not going into them yet, sorry, still too freaking raw), I received approximately half of what he got. And I have primary custod of, and financial responsibility for, our Precocious Daughter.

None of which has stopped him from shaking me down for "my share" of DDog's surgery.

Seriously, the guilt level is off the charts.

Here's the thing: If anything (God forbid) happened to PDaughter on my watch, or to the Siamese Kitten, of whom I have custody, I would move heaven and earth to fund the remedy for such ailments.  I mean, I would do a fucking Kickstarter, grovel to my parents, whatever it took to make her well. I personally would not emotionally blackmail my almost-ex-spouse to pay for it, because that shit is over.

Yet he is OK with guilting me into contributing my meager share of the house proceeds toward his dog's medical costs. Which I would, if the amount weren't the difference between restoring my credit score and being a broke-ass bitch.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm wrong about things sometimes.

So I leave it to you.

Do I make a substantial dent in my meager savings to help pay for the dog's surgery? Or do I leave it to him, because that's the hand that fate has dealt him, and if it dealt the same to me, I would handle it myself?

To clarify, I've already given him the $200 that he said was his contribution to PDaughter's 16th birthday gift of a laptop. That's gone. What he wants is $200 or more above that.

Your opinions will honestly weigh heavily on what I decide to do. So don't hesitate to offer them

Thanks, you guys.


  1. Don't feel guilty. Tell him you simply cannot afford it. And when he says, "But...", say again, " Really, I'd like to but I simply cannot afford it. "

  2. The thing is, I can't even envisage letting a dog suffer. I'd rather suffer myself. Really, truly and literally, I would rather give my life than have a dog hurt for a minute. So I am not the best person to respond on this because where dogs are concerned I react purely on an emotional level.

  3. Don't do it, I know easier said than done. You have to take care of what you have... which does not include the dog. Especially with the financial situation and that you are the responsible parent for PD. He is only responsible for the dog and himself... sounds like he should take care of his appointed family. Also who is to say that the $1600 is the actual cost. I have had a divorced bio dad, who played the games. My gut feeling is this is emotional and financial warfare and will continue through the holidays. Watch... if you give him the money likely some awesome bigger and better christmas might use it to work at denting your happiness with PD.

  4. I'm sorry, I'm too emotionally bound up in this to offer any kind of answer. All I can say is it's criminal to use a dog, or any pet, for emotional blackmail. It's not any better when it's a person being used but at least a person can have some understanding of how they're being used.

    Having lived with dogs with bladder stones I can only say do the surgery as soon as possible. Even if Darling Dog isn't in any discomfort now you don't want to wait.

  5. This happened to my family's miniature schnauzer, many years ago. It turned out he had 50 little kidney stones in there and it was blocking things up. We paid for it and he was healthy for a few more years... Maybe 6?

    Then, it happened again. By that time, he was old and they had him put to sleep.

    It turns out that once it happens, it is fairly likely to happen again.

    That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You probably should! But they ought to tell you that it's probably not going to be the last time.

  6. I hesitate to say much cause it's only my second or third visit here but I've been through divorce and I know how frustrating everything is (especially finances). The only thing you may want to consider is how close is your daughter to the dog? Just thinking that if the dog and her are best friends then you might want to do what you can to mitigate the situation. Perhaps you offer a contribution to the surgery and it doesn't have to be even close to half the amount. Just a thought but I see your perspective and totally been there...they (the ex) always seem to be wrangling for something... and it clouds our patience and ability to see the big picture.

  7. Okay, if I've got this clear, you received less on the sale AND you have the full financial burden of your daughter and the cat (this I take to mean that he is not paying child or any other type of support to you). If that is the case, then he needs to pay for the dog's care and he should be ashamed of himself for using guilt tactics.

  8. I'm with Gigi. PD shouldn't know anything about who-pays-what, and if he tells her then he's a shit. She may not get that now, but she will get it, eventually. (Keep that in mind generally, BTW -- eventually she will figure all this out on her own, and know that you took the High Road).


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.