Friday, October 23, 2015

Life, Today

Oh, Drunkards.

The FOURTH contract on my house just fell through. My house has attracted every goddamn flaky buyer and realtor in North Texas. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? JUST BUY THE FUCKING HOUSE.

My dad has sent me a bit of money to help tide me over until the stupid house finally sells. Also, he sent me a TEXT MESSAGE to let me know he has cancer.

Sure, why not?

My Precocious Daughter has a urinary tract infection, because she promised to tell me when she was going to become sexually active but didn't.

My almost-ex keeps calling me to pour out his heart and troubled soul, using the word "disaster" despite my explicit prohibition on that word. I have my own fucking problems, and having to listen to your problems is one problem I thought I was free of.

Also, he's selling some antique furniture he owns for a pretty penny, yet still wants me to know that he's in dire financial straits. Because let's make everything my fault until the end of time.

In conclusion: My dad has cancer. My daughter is having sex and getting infections. My spouse is using me as his emotional sounding board despite the fact that we are no longer a couple.

Oh, and I'm making $19 an article to write for an online magazine.

So it all evens out, right?

PLEASE you guys, tell me something that is going utterly right in your life. I need to hear it.


  1. I hope everything gets better, dear, and a.good prognosis for you dad.

    My good this week is my rugby coach has been thinking I was in my late-20s, maybe early 30s, when in reality I'm 41. I'm thumbs-upping that one.

    Big huge hugs to you, darling.

  2. I have a cute puppy. And showtunes in the car.

  3. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer in January, but after treatment there is NO sign of cancer anymore! So if that can happen, anything is possible. Hang in there!

  4. Thirteen months after finishing chemo I hiked through a 43-acre state park and climbed down to the base of a waterfall. There's nothing fun or easy about cancer, but it's not as bad as it used to be.

    Here's hoping your father's experience is just as good.

  5. Well, let's see, I am feeling better today than I was yesterday.

    The day before yesterday I was semi-suicidal.

    Today all I want to do is lie down and sleep till the end of time.

    So, that's better than yesterday.

  6. My youngest minion and I decided to try a crafting experiment involving tons of glitter and confetti, and so far, I'm not covered in the evil shit.

    It may not be very helpful, but you know what I like to do when Life gives me lemons? Scratch the shit out of Life's stupid face and squeeze the hell out of the lemons at it ... and then go make lemon drops, because: vodka.

  7. The past always seems easier and better than the present because most of the stuff in the past worked itself out. It didn't turn out to be the worst case scenarios.

    Most of the stuff today won't turn out to be worst case scenarios, either. Some will and I don't know which part.

    Either way, someday we'll back on today as the good old days, right?

    That sounded almost optimistic. I almost have myself convinced now that everything's going to be alright.

    (And so far as the contract on the house goes: Don't they say that fifth time's a charm?)


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