Monday, October 12, 2015

Finger on the Trigger

Note: There will be no illustrations accompanying this post. Use your imagination.

So I am a huge throbbing supporter of the #cocksnotglocks movement started by UT student Jessica Jin.

In case you missed it, Ms. Jin is calling for women (I mean, I guess men can also participate? Sure, why not, let's get the guys involved in this) to openly carry dildos on the Austin campus in response to the Texas law that will make concealed handgun carry legal at state universities.

Austin being Austin, i.e. a refreshing oasis of weirdness in a state that is otherwise utterly without a sense of humor about itself, the movement has gained considerable momentum, with thousands indicating they will pack their finest sex toys in solidarity.

Of course, Texas being Texas, i.e. a state so ridiculously backwards that "South Park" can't even find a way to satirize it, Campus (DILDO) Carry has come under attack by the very people who prove that a lot of mentally unstable assholes own guns.

I've read a number of the thoughtful, reasoned comments left on the group's Facebook page, all of which I'm sure were intended to provoke a productive dialogue on gun laws and social mores. For your benefit, I've summarized them all here:

"Y'all liberal sluts who can't get a man y'all cunts gonna get raped and wish you had a gun [incorrect form of "their"] Texas Jesus guns liberal skanks [incorrect form of "your"] *spits*"

I'm paraphrasing, of course.

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it right now: I know a lot of people who own guns. Never once has any of them pulled one out and pointed it at me "in fun," or cleaned it while my kid was visiting, or gotten in my face about my personal dislike of guns, or said "Hold my beer and watch this." I know a lot of responsible gun owners, is what I'm saying.

And I'm fairly confident that at least a few of them support concealed campus carry, which will take effect in August 2016. I vehemently oppose it, yet none of my gun-owning friends and acquaintances have called me out as a slut or wished violent crime to befall me because of our conflicting opinions. Not to my face, anyway. I'm sure people say all kinds of shit about me behind my back. I would, if I knew me.

I would never say that all gun owners are angry, misogynistic rednecks. I will say that angry, misogynistic rednecks appear to comprise a sizable subset of gun owners who feel a need to attack a viewpoint they don't agree with. I will also say that these trolling haters generally possess a third-grade command of the English language, which means they will struggle to persuade anyone whose own level of literacy is a notch or 15 higher. (Translation: You sound like a dumbass, bruh.)

Bottom line: I think the idea of carrying dildos on campus is hilarious. Let's find out who thinks sex is obscene but public shootouts are the 'Murican way. Let's talk about which device trades in fear and anger and which is all about smiles and fun.

I think such a discussion would separate the men from the boys pretty quickly.


  1. I'm not sure how people could get mad about #cocksnotglocks. I know it doesn't take much for the more humorless among us to be outraged, though.

    I'm going to check out some of the right wing sites today to watch the commenters lose their little minds.

  2. It is just like any scenario where the idiots ruin it for everyone else. All their stupidity takes away from the point they are trying to make...sadly sometimes they have a very good point, but it gets lost in their idiocy. The dumber they are the louder they are. Sometimes people should just stop talking.

  3. This guy has run the numbers

    and concluded that 10-20 killings per day would be statistically acceptable.

    He's obviously a mathemamoron.

  4. This is one of the things that tempts me to move to Austin. One of many, really, but I'll happily take an excuse to walk around with an enormous dildo in a leg holster. Like I need an excuse. Then again I already live in a state where the Lieutenant Governor has said it's "good Christian duty" to buy firearms and carry them everywhere, so with any luck #cocksnotglocks will catch on here.

    Admittedly anyone who's seen Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels knows how deadly a dildo can be. It's almost as dangerous as an alcoholic drink.


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