Monday, May 4, 2015

God Bless Whatever

Let me explain succinctly yesterday's events in Garland, Texas.

Garland, by the way, is the Dallas suburb widely credited as being the inspiration for Arlen, the fictional suburb that was home to Hank Hill & Co. in Mike Judge's long-running series "King of the Hill."

Imagine four used-car lots and a pawn shop just out of shot,
and you've got Garland.
So yesterday a group calling itself the American Freedom Defense Initiative - which is considered a hate group by  organizations dedicated to identifying hate groups - held a "Draw a Mohammad Cartoon Because Muslims Consider That Offensive But Fuck That Because 'Murica" contest in Garland.

And of course their motives were totally pure and First Amendment and shit, because the venue where they held their event required them to spend $10,000 on private security in order to hold it. Because it's offensive to devout Muslims to portray Mohammad, but fuck that because we have tons of pictures of Jesus for the win.

Behold, my niggas. Me bless America. Fuck yea verily.
And then two radicalized Muslim assholes decided to shoot all the people because Muhammad is too fucking weak and stupid to stand up to some rednecks' attempt to mock him.

Muhammad is so much stronger than the assholes
who claim to worship him.
If you're keeping score, it's asshole conservative Christians who think the First Amendment gives them the right to be jackholes with impunity vs. asshole radicalized Muslims who think they  get to murder innocent people because their version of the Flying Spaghtetti Monster says it's OK.

Anyway, two assholes are dead, after attacking a bunch of assholes who deliberately set out to be offensive to a religious community that has been nothing but  peaceful and positive in the Dallas area.

I'm not really seeing a hero here.

But, like, god bless america for allowing people of differing faiths and cultures to act like fucking idiots, right?

Did I mention this whole story is about a bunch of assholes who claim to be on opposite sides but really are united by being assholes?

Whatever. I still think respecting people who are different from me is fine as long as they are respectful in their differences.

Which doesn't include trying to kill people, by the way.

I'm not from Texas.

Just putting that out there.


  1. In Voltaire's book Zadig there's a scene where Christians, Muslims, Hindus, I think, and, I don't know, Buddhists maybe--it's been a few years since I read it--gather and are arguing. Zadig manages to bring them together by convincing them to focus on their similarities, which are of larger scale, rather than their differences, which are relatively minute. Now I think he should have just said, "You're all acting like assholes."

    And as we all know Voltaire's the one who's cited as saying, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Except that was written by Beatrice Evelyn Hall. What Voltaire did say was, "The supposed right of intolerance is absurd and barbaric. It is the right of the tiger; nay, it is far worse, for tigers do but tear in order to have food, while we rend each other for paragraphs."

  2. I was initially concerned at the prospect of Pamela Geller becoming a poster boy for free speech. After watching a couple interviews she did yesterday, I have to believe that reasonable people will not be making a hero out of her.

    I have the right to make fun of your mother.
    If I insult your mother, you will probably punch me.
    When you punch me, you have committed a crime.
    But no one will really be surprised that you punched me.

  3. The sickening thing about this is that it's turned the racist rectum Geert Wilders and the ranting rectum Pamela Geller into heroes to rectums who react with their rectal muscles to all things that require thinking.

    Did I mention I love the word "rectum"?

    1. It's a wonderful word, but I think the comparison is insulting to real rectums which serve a beneficial purpose.


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