Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Stuff, Part 1

I'm trying to psych myself up to have a garage sale.

My general attitude toward garage sales.
Originally when the need arose to clean a shit-ton of stuff out of the house we soon will be selling, my almost-former-spouse volunteered to preside over a garage sale. Because social interaction with people who are willing to get up at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday to haggle over the value of other people's memories gives me a pain in my cattywampus oolingarious. It's a thing,  look it up. Somewhere.

However, once it became obvious that I really meant it, and I really wanted him to hold a garage sale, his enthusiasm for the task waned considerably. I don't blame him - because garage sale - but he did leave me holding the bag of cheap crap being sold at a ridiculous price that someone will nonetheless try to negotiate even lower.

Did I mention how painful I find garage sales?
Look, Drunkards, if I just had a trash can's worth of old cheap crap to discard, I would toss it or haul it to the nearest thrift store (which is literally a block from my house) without a second thought.

But I have 25 years' worth of stuff that I used to think was precious, meaningful, irreplaceable, etc. If you want me to just leave all of that on the curb for pickers and hobos to appropriate, you've got another thing coming.

So I'm gonna have a garage sale. Maybe this weekend, maybe next. Has to be one or another, because after that the contractor starts ripping my house up, and shit's gotta be gone.

Begone, precious memories.

So tomorrow I'll post a bunch o' stuff that I've got to sell. Maybe you can tell me if it's garage-sale worthy, or if I should just take it to the nearest donation center and hope they don't laugh at me.

That would kind of be a bummer.

But hey, I brought this on myself. Marriage confers the ability to hold onto memories and deem them priceless. Divorce just means everything you own is excess baggage.


So I'll take pics of a bunch of this stuff and you can help me decide if any of it is worth the time it will take to put it up for sale.

And if you want any of it, you totally have first dibs.

Because reading this blog has to be worth something, right?

I Googled "so worth it" and got this, I can't even.
So tune in tomorrow if you want to see a bunch of crap I own.

You sick fuckers.


  1. Garage sales are stupid. I have never once looked forward to having them. I always felt like the strangers going through my were judging me. Though, in all fairness, I was definitely judging them for going through a strangers unwanted possessions. On the rare occasion that I partake in the debacle, I usually don't try to haggle prices down. I just look for the strangest things I can find to add to my wall of weird.

    Just don't stress yourself out too much!

  2. We've done a garage sale exactly once. After that, I said never again. Now, I just box stuff up and haul it down to Goodwill. Much less painful.

  3. The best description I've ever heard of garage sales is that someone was carrying out their garbage, got tired, and just sat down and started putting price tags on everything. That pretty well sums it up. It's easy to get rid of old books (although who really wants to get rid of books?): you take them to a used bookstore and they give you cash (or store credit which you turn into more books). I wish there were a way to do that with other stuff that didn't require a garage sale.

    Decades before there was an American Pickers TV show my parents held a garage sale and, rather than going by the price tags, a guy gathered up a bunch of stuff and rattled off amounts like the skinny guy and the short one. "I'll give you this much for this, this much for this," and so on, rapid fire, finally throwing out a total that may or may not have been correct.

    If he comes to your garage sale take the offer and run. Otherwise he'll just shoplift some cheap piece of crap that someone else might actually be willing to pay for.


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