Friday, January 23, 2015

Potential Book Stuff

Recently in this space I committed to writing a book because I'm insane and possibly don't understand what the word commitment means.

I have a five-year car loan; that's commitment, right?
Probably I should actually do something toward that commitment (Miss Othmar, your request to see the first chapter made me laugh, though). Because first, how great to actually follow through on a commitment? Also, I totally want to write a book, and I'm not going to let the fact that I screwed the pooch by promising to write a book keep me from writing a book.

Got that?
To date, I haven't written squat, other than the blog posts that I'm absolutely going to harvest for book material. That's going to change very soon - because my God, the guilt - but until then, here are some random crazy topics that may or may not make it into the final draft.

Feedback, upvotes, and other ideas are completely welcome. I'll include you in the acknowledgements if I use them, but no way will I share the sweet (possibly in the tens of dollars) royalty checks with you. This is a legally binding statement, yo.

Overruled, beyotch.
Here's A List I Call Book Content Ideas

I Have a Complicated Relationship with Food

My Grandma Got Way Less Out of Our Relationship Than I Did

There Are Right and Wrong Ways to Use Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup (A User's Guide)

All Cheese Should Be Spreadable

I Used to Hide Pepperidge Farm Layer Cakes Under My Bed

Emotional Extremes Melt Fat

I Wish Coffee Were a Vegetable

Cats Are Damn Lucky We Don't Consider Them a Food Group

Onions Are Evil

Food Is Not Love, Or Is That Simply Bullshit?


Diet Tips from Someone Who Knows Nothing About Successfully Dieting

All You Need Is Vodka (This Is Not Medical Advice)

Why Are You Still Reading This?

Aspirational American Sociology in The Great Gatsby (lol jk)


It's a start. Shall I publish the first chapter here once I've written it? Let me know. I'm easy.

Also hungry. What the hell?


  1. I am patiently awating the day I can pick up a book and know that I am not alone in my thoughts that onions are evil.

  2. I love them all! Especially the ones with vowels in them. I am seriously excited for you to do this!

  3. It doesn't have to be the first chapter, but please, please, please "There Are Right and Wrong Ways to Use Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup (A User's Guide)" must be a chapter. My mother turned in so many labels Campbell's built a wing on my school. She made so many casseroles with cream of mushroom soup I thought it was a food group. She also sent me to school with a thermos full of it at least three times a week. Campbell's cream of mushroom soup is still one of my comfort foods.

  4. *Everyone* has a complicated relationship with food. It's just differently complicated for each person. Tell us about yours -- good and bad. And don't forget the recipes. And where and when you ate the recipes, and how you felt and what you were thinking and MORE GRANDMA.

  5. Emotional Extremes Melt Fat needs to be Chapter Eleventeen. Make sure Emotional Extremes Melt Fat is Chapter Eleventeen.

  6. I would definitely read it, based on the chapter titles alone!


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.