State of the State

OK, so as of Tuesday, Dick Perry is no longer governor of Texas. An era has ended, and I've lost a hardy perennial of a blog topic.

Except wait...he's seriously thinking of repeating his hilarious 2012 Presidential bid in 2016.

Is it just me, or does he look a LEGO mini-fig that didn't make it
past the second round of focus-group testing?

On Tuesday, former Texas Asshole Attorney General Greg Abbott was sworn in as the Lone Star State's new governor.

I'm not making this up: There were three earthquakes in the Dallas area during his inaugural address.

One of them actually shook my IRL office. I love small earthquakes; they're a total rush. Although I'm not so thrilled that the new governor of my state has a hard-on for the activity that likely is causing them.

Governor Abbott Costello, shown here sticking his thumb
right up the ass of the oil and gas industry.

In November, the city of Denton, Texas passed a local ordinance banning hydraulic fracking, the earth-raping act of pumping chemicals into bedrock so that rich bastards can get richer. There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that fracking may be causing the recent uptick in seismic activity in areas that have never been known for such a phenomenon, including Dallas/Fort Worth.

But here's the other side of the coin: Fracking is making a lot of people a lot of money. And those people contributed $1.5 million to Gov. Costello's election campaign. And now the guv is publicly stating that cities like Denton shouldn't be able to vote on local ordinances that ban fracking (or other Commie pinko issues like trying to reduce the use of disposable plastic grocery bags...no, really).

Illegal fun. (What band does that reference?)

He blathered on about something called "the Texas model," Which isn't, like, Erin Wasson or Farrah Fawcett, but is instead the right wing's bastardized version of freedom as filtered through an ultra-conservative mindset in which people are free to do whatever they want, as long it's approved by the Republican party, Jesus, and Fox News.

The Virgin Megyn.

Literally, there was one person who would have been a more knee-jerk, Bible-thumping, money-hungry bastard of a Texas governor than Dick Perry, and that was Greg "Abbott" Costello.

I will go to my grave proud that I voted for Wendy Davis.

You GO.

And I will spend the next four years making sure Gov. Costello doesn't take an elephant-shaped shit without being called out on it in this space.

It's going to be So. Much. Fun. 

But if you're not into politics, don't worry...still plenty of posts about Benedict Cumberbatch and adorable furry animals.

I'm of the people that way.