Saturday, August 2, 2014

Mission Accomplished

I said I would do it. And I did it.

As of today, I'm blocked from the Open Carry Tarrant County Facebook page!

I'm devastated.
It was so much fun getting there, Drunkards! And I learned a lot about the art of trolling. Unfortunately, I can no longer practice my art on the OCTC page. But hey, maybe you can!

Here are some helpful hints, illustrated by actual posts I made (with my name and picture obscured, of course).

1. Full disclosure: It does truly help if you choose a target that doesn't understand satire.

2. At all.

3. Don't come out swinging. Don't give them any ammunition, so to speak.

4. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Apparently flies are slow-witted and unable to grasp the obvious.

5. If you are articulate and respectful, your message is likely to sail completely over your target's head, and they will end up not only agreeing with you but furthering your point.

6. Do not come to bury Caesar, but to praise him.

7. With the proper tone, you'll be able to turn up the volume without consequences.

8. In the words of Marge Simpson, "Fox turned into a pornography channel so gradually, I didn't even notice."

9. Sometimes you'll make a slam-dunk, and your target won't even respond. This is frustrating, but carry on. Every small interaction leads to a greater goal.

8. The important thing is to not enrage the beast before you've received maximum exposure.

9. Don't forget that your mission is to maintain access so that you can continue to post.

10. But when inevitably you drop the straw that breaks the camel's back (more on that in a moment), realize that even being blocked from someone's Facebook wall doesn't mean you can't still comment on their Events page.

So...last night I commented on a post on the OCTC page, but I was really tired, and I thought, I'll screenshot that in the morning. But this morning I found I had been blocked and all my posts removed. Never put off until tomorrow, etc.

Anyway, I'll have to describe what went down. They posted a 10-minute video from their last Nutty Folks Marching Around with Loaded Guns As If That Were a Good Idea event. The tagline was something along the lines of "Here's video proving that the media's portrayal of our interaction with the public is a lie."

Which I guess refers to articles like this. And also this.

The video consisted of amateurishly shot clips of OCTC members shaking people's hands and having their pictures taken. I stopped watching after a couple of minutes because I was getting a headache from the shaky camerawork, plus it was really boring (have these people never watched a movie with a montage? Where's "Eye of the Tiger" and the slo-mo fist pumping?) And I said as much. Sadly, I don't remember my words verbatim, but it was something like this:

I didn't watch the whole video because it was too long and also quite dull. If you want to expose more people to your cause, you should go back to harassing and threatening people who don't agree with you.

And that's what got me banned. I mean, I didn't use bad words, I didn't call anyone names, I never said "small-penised fuckheads with control issues." In fact, they clearly thought my criticism was constructive; they didn't just take down my comment, they actually removed the offending, poorly-made video.


Oh, Kory-with-a-K Watkins, don't ever stop wearing your dorky trilby hat and Dockers shorts while pushing a tiny shopping cart and carrying a gun pointed at your own foot. For freedom.

I'll continue reading the OCTC Facebook page. And someone with a personality very similar to mine - but with a different name - will continue to comment.



  1. I love you so very, very much that it stings. That could be the UTI, but I probably got that from all the love anyways.

    Do you think they would notice that I live in Washington and ban me if I started commenting? Maybe I could just express my jealousy. Though, I've never been very good at subtle sarcasm. I guess I'll just have to try it and see what happens. I give me three days.

  2. This is hilarious. I love this. A million feet perimeter. HAHHAHAH

    too bad you got blocked..but it was inevitable.

  3. Congratulations, yo :D

    I doubt I'd have had your light touch. Gun nuts get me angry too soon. But then I'm the guy who had to pluck shotgun pellets out of the face of a kid who'd blown apart his jaws playing with dad's double-barrelled, so...

  4. Congratulations!! I love this. I love you!! I don't have the patience to try subtle trolling... I'm glad you do!!


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.