32 Random Thoughts

Well, nobody submitted a guest post for tonight (even though I will publish literally anything you submit), so you guys are stuck with me and 32 things that are in my brain tonight. Which is just what you deserve, so there.

Nyah.

1. How does a sentient human male get to be the age of 50 years and 362 days without realizing that it takes like an extra five seconds to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of leaving them on the kitchen counter?

2. The Emmys are the least interesting of the major awards shows, and they know it, so they try way too hard to be good.

3. Robin Williams deserved a much better tribute than he got at the aforementioned Emmys tonight. Jimmy Fallon showed the old Carson clip last week; you couldn't find something else to highlight Robin's brilliance?

4. Conway Twitty recorded a rock and roll version of "Danny Boy" in the 1950s, and it's amazing.




5. Target currently is selling a double-feature DVD of Muppets Take Manhattan and Muppets in Space for $5.00. Fuck yeah, I bought it.

6. I unironically think that Tardar Sauce aka Grumpy Cat is one of the most beautiful cats in the world, and I shamelessly like her Facebook posts because I love her.

That face. Look at it.

7. Many of you know that Precocious Daughter started high school today. Not many of you know that she auditioned for and won a place in the top high school band, but can't take it because of a conflict in her class schedule caused by the fact that freshmen almost never qualify for top band. Yet she's taking the disappointment graciously, because she's the most awesome person ever born (and I take zero credit for that).

8. I've given up on my dreams of returning to a size 4 and will happily settle for returning to a size 8.

9. The above will be easily achieved if I can control my caloric consumption via alcohol.

10. I have little confidence that I can do that.

11. I just discovered that Drummer Boy thinks Grumpy Cat is a boy. Not true.

Totally feminine.

12. Being invited to move your things into someone else's storage unit is perhaps the greatest measure of love there is.

13. I've been asked to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge twice. But I don't want to do it.

14. I'M NOT A JOINER, PEOPLE.

15. I don't know what to do when you know someone wants to marry you, but you're scared to death of going down that road again. (Suggestions? Anyone?)

16. Even though most people would label me a liberal, I really don't entirely approve of the job President Obama is doing.

17. I bought a cantaloupe today.

18. I have no idea what to do with a cantaloupe.

19. I don't even like cantaloupe. It was PDaughter's idea.

20. WTF do I do with a cantaloupe?

21. I'm currently reading a 964-page biography of the The Beatles. It's Volume 1 of 3. I love it. Am I slightly obsessed? Maybe.

22. My 15 year old tuxedo cat is sitting on my bed right now. I'm afraid she won't live much longer, and that makes me incredibly sad.

23. I tried to take a picture of her, but I can't get my laptop's webcam to work. Please trust that she is beautiful.

24. Excuse me, I'm going to pee.

25. I forgot to buy toilet paper. That kind of sucks.

26. It's not as if I'm totally out of TP. That would be gross, stop it.

27. My boyfriend just asked me if I like the Lone Ranger. Yeah, that's not a trick question.

28. I'm thinking that after I'm divorced, I'll use my real name in this blog, and Drummer Boy's real name, and everybody's real name. Is that a really good or really bad idea?

29. I'm not a good person, and probably I shouldn't use anybody's real name.

30. PDaughter said she loves cantaloupe, so I bought her one. She asked me if I knew how to cut it, and I said yes. Am I going to hell for lying?

31. I have no idea how it's going to be September next week.

32. If I find out you're responsible for #31, I will cut you.

That's it. That's 32. Fuck off.

Next Monday, submit a goddamn guest post. Just sayin'.