Maybe I Can Get a Good Deal on a Nuclear-Powered De Lorean

Last week my beautiful VW Beetle got hit by a stupid-ass kid whose eyes were glued to his phone while driving.

Turns out a low-speed impact with no attempt to brake can cause a shitload of damage.


Forever grateful to BekS for this laugh when I needed it.

 The kid and his insurance company are being dicks. It was just this morning - six days after the accident - that I was able to get my car to the body shop, and with any luck I'll finally have a rental car tomorrow morning.

At this moment I have no idea if the Bug will be deemed fixable, or simply cashed out. Does replacing two front fenders, a bumper, a grille, and two headlights cost more than a 12-year-old Beetle is worth? I mean, he's priceless to me, but insurance companies are notoriously heartless.

MY insurance company is awesome.
But everyone else's? This.

Worst case scenario, I'll need a new car very soon. And by "new," I almost certainly don't mean new. That's not really in the ol' budget right now, unless I want to make some major life changes that involve not making the major life changes I've already got in the works.

How's that for a love triangle?

So I'm pondering what kind of car I might want to get if that becomes necessary. There are some obvious used-car choices:

But these may not be the most practical.

What kind of car do you look for when your criteria include the following:

NOT a minivan
NOT an SUV
NOT a Honda
Preferably laser-equipped
Good cargo capacity (2+ adult-size bodies)
Functional glove compartment
Headlights point correct direction
Mechanically sound, clean, cheap

Gull-wing doors totally optional.
I'm not picky.

I mean, what do you think, Drunkards? Suggestions are welcome. Just keep them realistic.

The National Corvette Museum may have a few deals.

I'll let you know what happens with the body shop. You let me know if you have any brainstorms on how to purchase a high-quality, low-mileage car for, say, 800 bucks. Kthx.