Monday, December 2, 2013

The Badass Gene Obviously Skips a Generation

Today Precocious Daughter called me at work.

I should have been suspicious. After all, I always tell her she should call me when she gets home from school. The fact that she actually did it was a dead giveaway that something was amiss.

OK, shoe. Drop.
PD: "I'm locked out."

CB: You're what?

PD: "I forgot my key."

Because after a week of Thanksgiving vacation, my child has forgotten everything she's ever known, including that she needs to bring her house key to school with her.

CB: Your dad's not home?

PD: "No, he called and said he had to go to school early. It's OK, I'll just sit out here and wait for you."

Ah, there's the other shoe.
CB: I have to get a couple of reports out, and I don't know when I'm going to get out of here.

PD: "It's fine. I'll wait."

CB: I don't want you to sit on the front porch in the dark. Go to [next door neighbor whom we know and trust] and ask if you can hang out until I get home. Or go to [across the street neighbor whom we know and trust] and ask them. Or call your aunt [who lives nearby] and see if she's home from work yet. You have options.

PD: "OK."

CB: Call me back and let me know where you land.

Ten minutes pass. PDaughter calls back.

PD (breathing heavily): "Everything's OK."

CB: Good. Where are you?

PD: "Oh, I'm in the house."

I did not expect that.
CB: How did you get in the house?

PD: "I broke in."

CB: You what now?

PD: "I went in through Daddy's bedroom window."

CB: Um...

PD: "Daddy called me and said that's what he always does when he gets locked out."

That would be the apple not falling far from the tree.
CB: But there's supposed to be a stick in the window track so someone can't open that window. How did you get it open?

PD: "I pushed really hard."

CB: You broke the stick?

PD: "I don't know."

CB: Go look. Because that stick is supposed to be there. Go see if you broke the stick.

PD: "Um...oh, yeah, I broke it."

So much for my feelings of security in that house
for the last eight years.
CB: Are you OK?

PD: "I'm fine. It was exhilarating, actually."

CB: To break into your own house.

PD: "Exactly."

CB: And you're OK?

PD: "Pffft. Sure."

Turns out she shattered the security stick into four pieces. But she assures me that if she had been just a burglar, she would have given up long before it actually broke.

So proud.
My resourceful child must never know that if I had been in her situation at her age, I would have curled up in a fetal position and cried until someone came home to take care of me.

My kid kicks ass.


  1. I remember my best friend lost her keys when we were about 17 an hour away from her house. She called me and asked to break into her house to get the spare set to bring to hee (her mom wasn't home). I remember breaking in through the back window nor thinking much of it. I could have definitely gotten arrested if I were caught. But what are friends for if not willing to break into each others homes.

  2. Hey, at least she can take care of herself! And possibly has a career as a cat bandit. :)


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