The Badass Gene Obviously Skips a Generation

Today Precocious Daughter called me at work.

I should have been suspicious. After all, I always tell her she should call me when she gets home from school. The fact that she actually did it was a dead giveaway that something was amiss.

OK, shoe. Drop.

PD: "I'm locked out."

CB: You're what?

PD: "I forgot my key."

Because after a week of Thanksgiving vacation, my child has forgotten everything she's ever known, including that she needs to bring her house key to school with her.

CB: Your dad's not home?

PD: "No, he called and said he had to go to school early. It's OK, I'll just sit out here and wait for you."

Ah, there's the other shoe.

CB: I have to get a couple of reports out, and I don't know when I'm going to get out of here.

PD: "It's fine. I'll wait."

CB: I don't want you to sit on the front porch in the dark. Go to [next door neighbor whom we know and trust] and ask if you can hang out until I get home. Or go to [across the street neighbor whom we know and trust] and ask them. Or call your aunt [who lives nearby] and see if she's home from work yet. You have options.

PD: "OK."

CB: Call me back and let me know where you land.

Ten minutes pass. PDaughter calls back.

PD (breathing heavily): "Everything's OK."

CB: Good. Where are you?

PD: "Oh, I'm in the house."

I did not expect that.

CB: How did you get in the house?

PD: "I broke in."

CB: You what now?

PD: "I went in through Daddy's bedroom window."

CB: Um...

PD: "Daddy called me and said that's what he always does when he gets locked out."

That would be the apple not falling far from the tree.

CB: But there's supposed to be a stick in the window track so someone can't open that window. How did you get it open?

PD: "I pushed really hard."

CB: You broke the stick?

PD: "I don't know."

CB: Go look. Because that stick is supposed to be there. Go see if you broke the stick.

PD: "Um...oh, yeah, I broke it."

So much for my feelings of security in that house
for the last eight years.

CB: Are you OK?

PD: "I'm fine. It was exhilarating, actually."

CB: To break into your own house.

PD: "Exactly."

CB: And you're OK?

PD: "Pffft. Sure."

Turns out she shattered the security stick into four pieces. But she assures me that if she had been just a burglar, she would have given up long before it actually broke.

So proud.

My resourceful child must never know that if I had been in her situation at her age, I would have curled up in a fetal position and cried until someone came home to take care of me.

My kid kicks ass.