Friday, December 6, 2013

Tabitha Takes on Christmas

Note: Yes, I'm letting my page admin post again. She taped a fake nutsack on me and kicked it, and then she hacked into my Facebook account and made rude posts about Nelson Mandela under my name. This is not a functional relationship. Anyway, I'm going to watch movies with Precocious Daughter and let Tabitha rant. Enjoy it if you can.


hi, y'all. tabby here.

is it cold where you are?
it's warm up in here.
i don't know what lies chuck has been telling you about me. i just like to make a post of my own now and again. she doesn't have to let me; it's not as if i'm blackmailing her.

oh wait, i'm totally blackmailing her. the things i could tell you. make me an offer.

anyway, as you know, it's getting close to christmas. this is the day christians celebrate the birth of their lord and savior jesus h. christ by acting like assholes. and everybody else lets them, because it's a day off work, and if christians want to buy shit, let them, right?

who in the world do you think you are?
christmas is extremely awesome in my book. people buy me things. and i have to buy them things, which means shopping. and everybody gives me fattening stuff to eat because love is baking and jesus is love and christmas is jesus.

also reinder and elves and shit.
the people who have those bumper stickers on their cars that say "keep christ in christmas" crack me up.  why do you care if i celebrate christmas...or simply mas? are you saying i don't get to dirnk eggnog and air-kiss all my relatives and punch people at walmart just because i don't worship a dead jew nailed to a board?

i like dancing raisins. if i think that christmas means dancing fucking raisins and putting giant bows on cars i can't afford, why is that your business?

trans. fucking. siberian. orchestra.
this is the meaning of christmas, bitches.
you don't get to own christmas just because you believe in a dead jew nailed to a board, you christian dorks. christmas is about so much more than jesus. it's about buying things and eating things and returning things and stressing over who likes you more because of how much they spent on you.

teach your children well.
prove me wrong, i dare you.

i happen to know that chuck thinks christmas is a time to be with the one you love. except the one she loves hates christmas and dumps her when it comes around.

i can't tell you how merry this makes me.

this merry, at least.
christmas is by everyone, for everyone. don't tell me how to celebrate it, and i won't tell you.

(chuck's boyfriend just rejected her...again. i love how she continues to stick around. it's like christmas.)

No comments:

Post a Comment

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.