Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hypothetical Question Time

Hey, kids!

What he said.

Auntie Chuck needs some help with a brain teaser! Do you want to help?

Of course you do.
Let's say you and your spouse are estranged. For financial and other reasons, you've decided to maintain a single household for the time being, but separately. You allow your spouse to assume the role of the Wronged Party, and consequently you move out of the master suite into the small third bedroom of your house. At this point, basically everything you own that is yours alone and meaningful to you occupies a 10x11' space. And that's OK, because everything you can see and touch in that space is you, with no strings attached.

Mine, all mine. Purrrrrrrr.
And every morning you wake up to the walls you painted, and every night you snuggle under the sheets you picked out because you liked them. And you choose your clothes from the rack that holds only your clothes, and dry your hair with the hair dryer that always stays out because it doesn't get in anyone else's way. It's not the same as what you've known for the last quarter-century. But it's you. And since you haven't really known you - not Coupled You or Married You, but you - in almost 25 years, it's really kind of a kick.

And there's nothing in your room that suggests a secret double life, or hints at a sinister purpose or a dark motive. It's just clothes, and jewelry, and some clutter and a few keepsakes. There are some empty bottles of vodka, but it's not exactly a shock that you drink, especially since things went to hell.

It's not even that impressive a collection.
Here's the brain teaser.  The person who occupies the master suite decides to go into your room when you're at work, and look through all your stuff, and open all the drawers of your dad's childhood desk, which you lovingly rehabbed into a dressing table. And he takes stuff out and arbitrarily decides to throw it away. Your stuff. Nothing incriminating, nothing important. Just stuff that you have in a closed drawer that he decides you don't need to keep and he has the right to discard without telling you.

You get angry, and he apologizes.

Who is in the wrong?

I don't like to point fingers.
And - Auntie Chuck wants to know - what happens next?

The answer is below.





No, it's not. I was hoping you'd have the answer.

Best answer wins a prize. From whatever I have that hasn't been chunked in the trash yet.


  1. First, giant hugs to you...that sucks. Second...OMG THE RAGE! Third: It's on like Donkey Kong. Time for some retaliation. I don't know the details behind the lack of respectful communication, but what's that saying? All's fair...So get to it!

  2. What the heck! How on earth did he justify doing that? If I were you I'd be putting a lock on that door. He's lost the right to be trusted.

  3. If "said person" had gone into "my" space and thrown out some of the things that I had already deemed "keepable, MINE, or otherwise none-of-his-fucking-business," I'd be on a war-path. As in: "let me just see what's in your area of the house that I think you don't want and get rid of it while you're not around to ask about it."
    IE: his collection of stupid DVD's that nobody ever wants to watch again besides him when he's bored/drunk/lonely. Porn - because "Who needs that when you're living vicariously through throwing MY shit away?!" Tax records and documents of possibly important financial status - psshh... who needs those? They may as well go into the wood-chipper down the street. It's not like you'll need them to finalize anything...

    Can I just say that "someone" needs a swift kick in the man-junk? What the hell was he thinking?! That's YOUR SPACE! Grab the nearest box-cutter and head toward the exit. Even if "the exit" happens to be his face...

  4. Locking door knobs for inside doors are not expensive and very easy to install. They're not nearly as easy to pick as the ones from the 70's. Put one on your door. And put one on his while you're at it. But accidentally misplace the damn key! :-)

  5. When my ex and I decided to get a divorce, we continued to share a house for the next year and a half, which really sucked, so I can totally empathize with you. However if my ex had gone rifling through my shit and thrown anything out, I would have gone nuclear and likely retaliated by throwing all his stuff on the lawn and then paying someone from a local dairy farm to come over with a truckload of their finest cowshit to dump on top of his stuff.

    I'd advise you to get a lock and suggest to him that if he pulls that sort of thing again, the only thing standing in the way of all his belongings being buried in bovine poop is one phone call

  6. I. Have. No. Words. Lots of feelings, though.

    The "Who is in the wrong?" question intrigues me. Did he somehow think that *you* were in the wrong (for keeping the items in question)?

    I'd have to kill him.

  7. What the Fuck? I don't even know how to answer that. My first husband and I lived that way (in the same house) for about 6 months after we split up, but we respected each other's space. I canNOT even begin to understand your frustration. Personally, because I'm in a bitter period of my life right now, I'd throw away 1 sock of each pair. I'd throw away all CDs/DVDs/Video games in any shared spaces. I might even "accidentally" throw in a whole bottle of bleach while he's doing laundry. Oh, and if he leaves ANYTHING on the counters/tables/etc. that is in a shared space, it would automatically be tossed, in the outside trash cans, of course, just so that he can't just pick it up out of the kitchen trash.

    You mentioned he apologized; did he give any sort of fucking reason? Other than the obvious, that his head was stuck up his ass?



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