Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Birthday Thoughts (Not About Birthdays)

As the Lovin’ Spoonful sang, “Now, a quarter of my life is almost past.” Which is just about right, as I totally plan to live to be 180 years old.

Me and Torty, here.
Precocious Daughter has baked me a cake for my birthday, because she’s awesome. We’ll cut into that bad boy tonight, with a few other members of my beautiful family in attendance. Who else wants a slice? Send me your address and I’ll FedEx it to you.

Disclaimer: Ms. Baudelaire will not actually
FedEx you a slice of cake. Get real.
Here are some birthday thoughts, which don’t actually have anything to do with my birthday. So they’re just thoughts, but they’re special because I thought of them today. Which is my birthday. Yeah.


I’m so sad that Annette Funicello passed away.

When I was a kid, I LOVED the original “Mickey Mouse Club,” WHICH I SAW IN REPEATS BECAUSE I WASN’T ALIVE IN THE 1950s SHUT UP.  Anyway, Annette was so beautiful, and I really sort of identified more with Darlene because she was definitely the Rhoda to Annette’s Mary. Annette had a cameo in the Monkees’ Head, so she is permanently OK in my book. Plus she endorsed Skippy peanut butter, which was my brand growing up. And she never, ever wore a two-piece bathing suit in her beach movies because Uncle Walt wouldn’t approve of her looking like teh sex.

Doreen never had that problem.

R.I.P., Annette.


It’s very strange to not wear a wedding ring after you’ve worn one for 20+ years. I keep feeling a moment of panic when I notice it’s missing from my finger. Then I think: “…Oh…” 


The ring belonged to my grandmother, so I’ll pass it down to PDaughter someday. I hope she’ll cherish it the way I do.  For the record, I didn’t want to take it off – I had moved it to my right hand.  But I removed it upon request.



I want to send a shout-out to an old friend of mine from my Milwaukee days. He was one of my favorite people growing up – he always reminded me of Dan Aykroyd.  He’s going through some hard times, and he started making suicide threats on Facebook.  Now he’s kind of dropped out of sight, and I’m worried. I’ve been rallying our mutual friends and checking the police blotters where he lives, because I know how it feels to feel as if there’s only one way out, and no one should feel that way, especially not someone as sweet and funny as my friend Clark. I’m concerned about him.  So if you have a prayer in you, maybe send it his way.  I’m a firm believer that there is a funnel in the universe that will scoop up your good thoughts and channel them to the right place.

That's science and shit.

These thoughts are getting melancholy. Not my intention – after all, it’s my birthday, and I kick ass.

This is supposed to be a HAPPY occasion.

Oooh! I know! Here’s a picture of Anderson Cooper holding Grumpy Cat!

Anderson Cooper holding Grumpy Cat.
As advertised.


I think I’m going to treat myself to some cake-flavored vodka tonight. Or some vodka-flavored cake. Or both, one washed down with the other. Because as of today, I’m finally old enough to drink.
It’s my birthday, humor me.


  1. That's the closest Anderson will ever get to a... well, never mind.

    Happy birthday, gorgeous!

  2. Wishing you a wonderful birthday!! I, myself, might indulge in a little cake-flavored vodka tonight as well, so, cheers to you!!

  3. You are so lucky that you can't hear me sing, because I am a crappy singer. But it's the thought that counts, so: Happy Birthday toooooo youuuuuuuuu!!!


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