Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wikipedia Worldwide Candy Marketing Juggernaut Thing

Last night I had occasion to look up Smarties on Wikipedia.

If they actually made you smart, I'd be a freaking genius by now.
Does that picture surprise you? It might, if you don't live in the U.S. of A. If you live in Canada, Europe, or the Middle East, you might have been expecting a picture like this:

Perhaps without the watermark, however.
They stole our candy name! OK, actually the American candy-tablet version came out several years after the European sort-of-like-big-M&M's version. So really, the chocolate Smarties are ripping off M&M's...which also, as it turns out, originated after them. Fine.

Uh...USA! USA!
But this post isn't about Smarties, strictly speaking. (Or about the difference between Canadian vs. New Jersey-produced know who you are.)  It's about how you can find wonderful things on Wikipedia. Wonderful, inexplicable, crazed things.

Exhibit A.
Hey, want to use up an entire evening? Click here.
In reading about the differing international versions of Smarties, I came upon what might be the most delightful descriptive sentence about a beloved mass-produced candy ever written:

"Smarties are oblate spheroids with a minor axis of about 5 mm (0.2 in) and a major axis of about 15 mm (0.6 in)."

Does that capture the joy and deliciousness of candy like nothing else, or what? The next time I'm in Europea, I want to hear a catchy Smarties jingle based on this Wikipedia description.

They're oblate spheroids
One of life's little rewards

5x15 millimeters of fun
Betcha can't stop at only one
Forget about death and work and taxes
Just bite into the candy-coated major axis
(Bass singer: Bite into the candy-coated major axis...)

We sell 'em in Norway
Eat 'em in a doorway
I hope it's not too late
But Smarties,
What the hell is "oblate"?

La-la la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la la-la-la
(Repeat until sugar rush wears off)

Seriously, advertising guys on the other side of the world. You can use this. Just pay me in oblate spheroids. And cash.


  1. Thanks, I needed a giggle. I can't help you with cash or an advertising campaign but will gladly send you oblate spheriods from the UK in appreciation of your blog.

  2. I am officially naming my first born child oblate spheroid.


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