Friday, August 3, 2012

I Am Very Nearly Dead Last

Is it just me, or does that organization I Am Second seem pretty snotty?

I got dibs on this chair after Jesus! Called it!
I am second? To the Father, Son, and/or Holy Spirit?

Who the fire and brimstone do you people think you are?

You know the guy you're dealing with can do this, right?
According to, roughly 107 billion people have walked the Earth since we first popped up around 8,000 BCE (don't even start that argument with me, people. I haven't had lunch and I'm in no mood for math).

People like Abraham Lincoln.

Freed the slaves and got whacked for his troubles.
Bitch, please.
And Hedy Lamarr - totally not just a gorgeous Hollywood actor, but co-inventor of "spread spectrum" frequency transmission technology that is basically the reason we have cell phones and wireless devices today.

For reals - read about it here.
And the dude who discovered freaking fire.

I think it was this guy.
Not to mention over a hundred billion other people, many of whom cured diseases, built temples and cathedrals, invented useful damn shit like forks and Band-Aids, and discovered continents.

Possibly the person who invented this needs not be included in that list.
And you think you're second? Really, second? Well, aren't you special?

Who else thinks he's special?
Let's see...SATAN??

I don't think I'm second. Maybe it's just low self-esteem, but personally I consider myself way farther down the list than, say, the dedicated teachers who are educating my kid and the person who invented foaming hand soap. Not to mention THE LORD.

Can you do this, huh? I'll bet you can't make puppies, either.
Naw man, you're not second. You're not even 12,864,772,398, probably. And even if you are, because you're a Nobel Prize winner who for some stupid reason is reading my blog, that's not second, is my point.

I'm not a fan of religion. Religion lost me way before it started telling me where to eat chicken. On the other hand, I'm down with Jesus and His dad. Jesus and I have each other's back. And I know that when He says, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers..." that's pretty close to describing me. I'm cool with that, because I've seen the majesty of creation, and I don't aim to take either the credit or the blame for some of the shenanigans that go on.

If it were up to me, I'd rescind
the part of free will that enables
people to do this.
I'm a mite on a flea on a rat, metaphorically speaking. I can only hope that someday I'm reincarnated as a flea on a rat.

Yes, I said "reincarnated." Because if the I Am Seconders can declare themselves runners-up to the Almighty, then I can believe He'll send me back for another go-round when he sees how little I accomplished the first time.

I have at least as much chance of being right as they are.

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