Wednesday, August 8, 2012

No Problem Here

I'm quite relieved to realize that I do not have a drinking problem. Here's how I know.

1. I was not arrested for DWI last night.

2. I was not arrested for DWI for the second time in the past six months last night.

3. I did not crash my 1998 Trans Am into a construction zone because I was drunk.

4. I do not drive a 1998 Trans Am.

Which doesn't say anything about my drinking,
but speaks volumes about my not having the mentality
of a 17-year-old boy.
5. I was not discovered inexplicably naked in the middle of the road by a passerby.

6. I did not refuse a Breathalyzer test even after a sheriff's deputy told me I smelled like a bar at closing time.

7. In addition to not being arrested for DWI, I also was not charged with a felony for threatening to kill the arresting officers while being taken to jail.

Do what now?
8. I did not have to borrow a shirt for my mug shot.

9. I did not take this mug shot.

10. I am not Randy Travis - country singer, two-time drunk driver, and guy too damn dumb to spend a few bucks of his vast fortune on a driver.

I am just fine.


Hey, here's Randy's mug shot from back in February.

He's getting better at them. A few more tries and he'll have it down.

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