Stick It

We've talked about this before, people.
Stop putting stick-figure family decals on your cars.

You look like horrible people, frankly.

You're answering a question no one has asked. You're giving out way too much information about your personal life to random douchebags driving behind you.

And this is just so, so sad.

Yes, I really have a problem with these things. I think they're dumb and pointless. One person's opinion, I know. But for this person, it's not simply I-prefer-not-to-eat-tapioca mild distaste. It's you-put-sauerkraut-on-my-hot-dog-I'm-going-to-kill-a-bitch loathing.

I realize I don't have to put them on my own car if I don't like them. But I do have to look at them. They're not a website I can just avoid, or even a bumper sticker I can read and disagree with. If I'm stuck behind a vehicle bearing little white aren't-we-adorable stick-figure meatbags, I have to look at something that actively chaps my ass or else weave through traffic until I find a car that isn't subjecting me to its driver's family tree. They're a road hazard, that's what they are. Because I drive really badly when my ass is chapped. I'm sure you can understand.

By the way, these stickers aren't cute if they're zombies:

Mostly because zombieism isn't hereditary, duh.

And they're not cute if they're Star Wars characters:

Especially not the Bratz version of Star Wars characters.

And they're just freaking horrible if they're Twilight-themed:

I just...I don't know.

What I'm saying is, being a nerd doesn't make it right.

Because grow up.

You want to subject the rest of us to your obsession with your precious family? Then give us some truth in advertising.

And let us not forget Punk, Ugly, and Republican.

Because I would almost - almost - consider lifting my personal ban on stick-figure decals for this:

I think it's even better without the caption.
The art speaks for itself.

I feel so much better. Venting is good.

Urge to kill...rising...