Friday, September 30, 2011

You Can't Spell Amazing Without A and Z

It's Friday, and my boss had the nerve to give me a pretty big assignment. I'll do a great job on it, as usual, and he won't notice, as usual. This is called "having a career." In other news, Kim Kardashian went to bed after a night of partying and woke up with hundred-dollar bills sprouting from her pillow like mushrooms. Eh.

Anyway, I haven't got much to post today, except this. I got hits from two countries today: Azerbaijan and Zimbabwe! I love that. And of course this can mean only one thing: The Internet has arrived in Azerbaijan and Zimbabwe!

If you want broadband, you need a thicker string.
 I am totally kidding. I'm thrilled to have new countries to put in my flag counter. Everyone on Earth is welcome to read and subsequently ignore my babble.

I didn't know very much about Azerbaijan, so I did some reading on the CIA's World Factbook website. This is absolutely the best place on the Internet to go if you're trying to a) prevent or b) start a war in any country in the world. The first thing I discovered is that Azerbaijan has a small population of Armenian separatists, so I probably should not have made the Kim Kardashian joke at the beginning of this post. Oops, ha ha! I also learned that although the country is located on the Caspian Sea, it's officially designated as "landlocked." Which I don't understand, but I'm not going to ask questions because Azerbaijan doesn't seem like the kind of place that wants to be bothered by some annoying American chick. Lots of stuff going on in Azerbaijan on the down-low, is what I'm saying. Best wishes to you, welcome to my blog, and please don't hurt me.

Zimbabwe, of course, is located in Africa and formerly was the British colony of Rhodesia. They got to be Zimbabwe in 1980 after kicking the Brits out. America shares that in common with Zimbabwe, although I think we did far worse in the naming-your-country department. The world-famous Victoria Falls are located in Zimbabwe, along with this adorable lion cub:

Assuming it hasn't fallen victim to poachers, drought, loss of habitat, or political corruption. Here's an interesting factoid, again courtesy of our friends at the Central Intelligence Agency: Zimbabwe contains about 385,000 landline phones, and almost three million cell phones. In Zimbabwe! Who knew? And of course, at least one computer, although I suppose one of those cell phones could have Internet access. I'll bet President Until He Says Otherwise Robert Mugabe has a smart phone. I hope he likes lion cubs.

So welcome to Always Drunk, Azerbaijan and Zimbabwe! I hope I haven't seen the last of you. Tell your friends about the brilliant American website that loves your countries and respects your utterly foreign ways of life. I regret at this time I cannot sponsor visas or green card applications. But if you find yourself in Texas, let me know. I'll buy the cheap American beer. We'll get our democracy on. Hugs!


  1. It's because the Caspian Sea is essentially a big lake and doesn't connect to any ocean... :-)

  2. I love learning useless trivia from my Drunkards! :)


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