I got a lot of feedback, and some really great ideas. But here's the thing. None of you gave me the same advice. Not one.
You guys suck at consensus-building. I'm so proud of you all.
|You win the Donald J. Trump Award|
for Rugged Individualism.
|"So then I said, 'If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice,'|
and their freaking heads exploded, eh?"
Actually, I'm going to make you guys vote. Via animated GIF, which is the most democratic form of choosing anything in the history of everything. Just go with me on this.
I'm going to present my options, and you're going to vote by telling me your favorite image in the comments section. And then I will totally have to do what the majority decides, unless I can get the Supreme Court to rule the way I want it to turn out, which I believe it the core tenet of democracy.
|I swear to God, is the closest thing I could find|
to an animated image of Justice Clarence Thomas.
So pick your favorite GIF, and choose my destiny.
If you want me to pitch my vintage clothing, my fabric stash, and my keepsakes, vote for "Terribly Sad David Bowie."
If you want me to hold on to my keepsakes but get rid of my vintage threads and my fabric, vote for "Totally Gnarly Hairball."
If you think I should keep my precious mementos and my very useful fabric but give up on my dreams of ever fitting into my Twiggy-size vintage outfits again, fatty, vote for "Fitty and His Unusual Passenger."
If you think I should donate the fabric and the clothes and don't give a crap what I do with my sentimental gewgaws, vote for "Jack Thinks It's Funny."
If you think I should find some way to keep, store, and use the lot, vote for "Super Chill Capybara."
Vote your conscience, Drunkards. And remember: Vote early and vote often. That's how we get the decisions we deserve.
P.S. Not a voting option, but here's a bonus "Donald Trump and His Closest Adviser" GIF for you.