|A moment of silence, please, for the victims|
of the Battle of Barbie Dream House.
Presidential front-runner Donald Trump...
...sorry, can't type that with a straight face...
|Good one, though.|
Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller wrote on Facebook, "If one more person says Happy Holidays to me I just might slap them," adding graciously, "Either tell me Merry Christmas or just don't say anything." Which I think is advice his staff should take every time he asks them a question about budgets or policies or something. When does the new farm subsidy bill come up for a vote? "Merry Christmas." What time is the press conference? *silence* It might just make the agricultural commission run more smoothly, to be honest.
Leaving aside the issue of current and hopeful elected officials declaring a preferred religion in direct violation of the Constitution they've clearly never had anybody read to them, these people are idiots. By which I mean...no, I pretty much mean they're idiots.
It is distressing to Christian conservatives that America is no longer an overwhelmingly Christian nation but merely a mostly Christian nation (about 70% as of 2014). It's particularly distressing to them that other, non-Christian religions tend to be followed by a lot of damn black, brown, and yellow people. And in the multitude of those Americans freely practicing their religions and not really giving a shit about the story of Baby Jesus and the Three Wiseguys, the Christian right sees a vicious attack on their faith.
The battle cry of this sustained wave of anti-Christian violence is "Happy Holidays." Which clearly is Muslimese for "fuck your grandmother with an unsanitized dildo," judging by their offended reaction to the phrase. Every time someone says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," apparently an angel gets beaten to a pulp by a band of crazed Hindus. These are some evil words, for sure.
The thing is, I've lived in this embarrassingly and increasingly intolerant country for going on 48 years. And I remember that back in the day, there was a very common phrase used at Christmastime that didn't seem to freak anybody out. Its popularity has waned in recent years, but you used to see these words in advertising, on greeting cards, all the same places you now see "Happy Holidays," without Christians fearing that they were going to be stripped of all their sacred texts, like the Bible and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."
Hell, it doesn't even reference holidays at all. It's basically saying, "It's winter. Hello." Yet it used to be synonymous with "Merry Christmas" and was perfectly acceptable to everyone, even Republicans. I always thought it was a lovely sentiment, and I'm sorry it's not used more today. Especially since you can longer talk to some people about holidays without specifying the holy sacred Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus with two months of sales on mattresses and luxury sedans.
So, to Donald and all of his Trump-minded supporters I say, You go right on saying Merry Christmas. Say it to Christians, to non-Christians, to pigeons if you want to make sure they're getting the message, too.
And I'll say Season's Greetings. Because it's winter. Hello.
Have a nice war.