Monday, August 10, 2015

Let's Compare To-Do Lists, Mmmkay?

You know how sometimes you say things that are utterly mundane and no different from things you say on a regular basis?

You know, like:

Today I processed accounts payable.

Tonight I'm drinking a bunch of vodka.

Last night I dreamed about penises.

You know, stuff like that.

And maybe you wish you could say something that was really, truly out of the ordinary, like:

Today I won 428 million dollars in the lottery.

Tonight I ate an entire octopus.

Last night Johnny Depp gave me a coconut-oil massage.

Yeah, like that.

Well, I actually have something to say that is different

Let me know if any of you can say this:

Tomorrow I will serve my spouse with divorce papers.

If you can commiserate, tell me.

By the way, he's totally expecting it and OK with it.

Our divorce is shaping up to be as unconventional as our marriage.

I just hope it turns out better.

Tell me one thing you did today that was not normal.

I promise I'm good with it.

4 comments:

  1. Well, I don't think I've ever gotten a massage from Johnny Depp, but my memory has some large holes in it and I can't say for sure.
    I also never win money, except in Vegas. But then I spend it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have got nothing. I'm boring.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did an undisplaced flap surgery on a mandibular first molar with pocket currettage and furcal MTA graft.


    ...well, that's not what most people would consider normal.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Last night I dreamed I was a woman--not that unusual, actually--who broke into the house of an aging professor of biology--that's pretty weird--to steal his map of locations for an alligator-sized salamander. Aaaand we're back to normal.

    ReplyDelete

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.