You know, like:
Today I processed accounts payable.
Tonight I'm drinking a bunch of vodka.
Last night I dreamed about penises.
You know, stuff like that.
And maybe you wish you could say something that was really, truly out of the ordinary, like:
Today I won 428 million dollars in the lottery.
Tonight I ate an entire octopus.
Last night Johnny Depp gave me a coconut-oil massage.
Yeah, like that.
Well, I actually have something to say that is different.
Let me know if any of you can say this:
Tomorrow I will serve my spouse with divorce papers.
If you can commiserate, tell me.
By the way, he's totally expecting it and OK with it.
Our divorce is shaping up to be as unconventional as our marriage.
I just hope it turns out better.
Tell me one thing you did today that was not normal.
I promise I'm good with it.