|Wouldn't wish shingles on my worst enemy,|
honest to God.
But here's what bothers me even more.
A year ago, I was drinking way too much. My marriage was over yet still in limbo. My job was frustrating. I was in love with someone but nowhere near being in a real relationship.
I came down with, and ultimately overcame, shingles during this period. But today, exactly one year later, I am still drinking way too much. My marriage is still over yet in limbo. My job continues to frustrate me. And I'm still in love with someone but nowhere near being in a real relationship.
So my question is:
What's to keep me from slashing my arm again?
What's to keep me from waking up tomorrow in terrible pain?
Why should I believe that anything changes for the better, ever?
|Fuck that, or am I wrong?|
I don't plan to slash my arm open tonight, so there's that. But not much else is significantly improved. Some things are even worse. This past weekend, I finally decided to cut ties with my emotionally abusive father. I'm too goddamned old to put up with being screamed at. Fuck that. No more father in my life.
In the hottest real estate market in a decade, I'm having massive difficulties selling my house. I could blame it on my almost-ex spouse, who made it a point to never have enough money to maintain our home. But there's no point in that. Blame sucks.
I just want to be happy. And I want you to be happy. I don't want anyone to have shingles, or to be stuck in a relationship that means nothing and goes nowhere.
I do want to thank every single person who has stuck with me over the last year. You've made everything worthwhile, I swear to glob.
I hope to actually write something meaningful this year. It's all for you.
And I hope we are all well and happy. Because we all freaking deserve it.