Wednesday, September 2, 2015

In the Zone

I have this urge to laugh.

Not like a Joe Biden laugh. Not ready for that yet.
That's graduate-level happy-feels right there.
Still, I'm sitting here writing, and there's a little smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. That in itself is an odd thing; I don't think I've smiled in days. Yet there it is, just kind of playing around with my lips, seeing if we can make this happen.

And...I did it. I'm sitting in an empty room, and I'm smiling to myself. Maybe I've finally gone crazy.

Feels good, though.

Now for something completely different: I'd like to laugh a bit today. I don't know what kind of reaction that might elicit from my co-workers. Under normal circumstances I laugh quite a bit at work (when I'm not dropping f-bombs). But I've been subdued lately. Mostly they understand the things I'm going through right now, although I've done my best to conceal the fact that I've actually reached rock bottom emotionally.

Because I am a PROFESSIONAL.

There's no reason I should want to laugh. Nothing has really changed since the last time I burst into tears, aka yesterday. All that boring bad stuff I wrote about the other day? Still in play: still in limbo, still broke, still married, still lonely. Still paying rent on an apartment I don't actually live in. In which I don't actually live. Whatever.

Maybe I've reached that enlightened place where all problems are transcended. Where I'm able to let go of the darkness and reach for the light. Where my primal need for joy defeats my sadness.

Maybe I've reached...the Fuck It Zone.

You know the scene at the end of It's a Wonderful Life, when George Bailey realizes he wants to live despite all his troubles and goes running through town like a maniac? At one point he shouts, "I'm going to jail! Isn't it wonderful?"

George was in the Fuck It Zone.

And I'm right there with him.

Now, if everyone would please come to my house with hatfuls of money and sing "Auld Lang Syne," that would be really cool.

But even lacking that...fuck it, I want to laugh.

Even if I can't do it quite yet, just wanting to is a big step up.

What makes you guys laugh? I may need to prime the pump a bit.


  1. Say cheese!


  2. Phrases like "The Fuck It Zone" crack me up, maybe because I've been there. And I can just hear Rod Serling saying, "You're entering another dimension, a dimension where nothing matters...there's the signpost up ahead, but who gives a shit? You've just crossed over into...The Fuck It Zone."

    That and the story of two guys in the African veldt photographing a lion. The lion turns toward them and one of the guys puts on a pair of running shoes. "Do you think you're going to outrun a lion?" the other guy asks.

    "Fuck the lion. I just need to outrun you."

  3. So many things make me laugh...and most are not appropriate to laugh at. I laugh when people fall down or get hurt (including my kids and MYSELF).... I laugh at smart comedians that bust out w/ totally inappropriate things (Jim Norton, for example)... I laugh at my family...Hubby and the kids are damn funny! I laugh at your blog...because you are also damn funny and smart. I used to spend a lot of time laughing...but not so much lately...I should really do something about that. Maybe I can trip one of the kids... j/k Hang in there friend!

  4. Laughing is good. I think I manage to laugh a lot - even if it's just at myself and my bad choices. Maybe that's why I don't totally bottom out when I get down.


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