|Starring Chuck Norris.|
Chuck Norris, of course, is the founder, sponsor, and spirit animal of PDaughter's karate organization. And the reason I willingly drag myself to whatever corner of Texas is holding the state karate tournament each year. Because I can't miss my yearly opportunity to yell "Hi Chuck!"
|This is as close as I am legally and ethically allowed|
to get to Chuck Norris.
So I'm reading through Chuck's Principles for Life - as one does - and I realized a couple of things.
One is that, if Chuck is true to his words on this bookmark, then he essentially is Jesus in black pajamas.
Second is that there is no way Chuck can be true to his words. Human beings were not created to be this perfect.
|Mostly we are made of derp.|
But I don't.
So if you admire the icon that is Chuck Norris but despair of ever approaching his level of Chuckness, then I've got good news.
I've created some alternate principles for life for the rest of us. They parallel Chuck's principles, but they're a tad bit more accessible to those of us who don't reach the pinnacle of Mt. St. Walker Texas Ranger.
In the following list, Chuck Norris' Principles for Life are in bold, and Chuck Baudelaire's Principles for At Least Not Failing are below.
Mix and match, if you feel so bold.
Chuck's (and Chuck's) Principles for Life
I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways.
I will remember that crushing, humiliating failure means I at least tried
I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements.
I will rewrite my personal history as often as necessary, or at least until the new version starts showing up on Google.
I will always be in a positive frame of mind and convey this feeling to every person that I meet.
I will endeavor not to physically attack people who smile at me before I've had my coffee.
I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family and acknowledge that no other success can compensate for failure in the home.
I will love the children I had with the spouse I divorced, the child I had out of wedlock, and the kids I had with my second wife, and will consider it a win if I do.
I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.
I will wish nothing but the best for the sister-in-law who shunned me after I separated from my spouse and who has now decided she'd rather have sex with women than with her unfaithful husband.
If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.
If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will write a blog post.
I will always give so much time to the improvement of myself that I will have no time to criticize others.
As long as vodka counts as self-improvement.
I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
I will swallow my envy and resentment of successful people until it appears that I am just thrilled for them.
I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness toward another person's viewpoint while still holding fast to what I know to be true and honest.
I will never, ever subscribe to that "love the sinner, hate the sin" bullshit. Being a judgmental hypocrite is a way worse sin than anything one can do by being true to oneself.
I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times.
Unless those in authority act like assholes. Then all bets are off.
I will always remain loyal to my God, my country, family and my friends.
I will remain to loyal to people and entities whose actions inspire loyalty. I won't defend anyone for being a shithead.
I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself.
I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life despite what my family or my country thinks, and I will rise above my own doubts so that I can transcend the arbitrary opinions of others.
The thing about principles is that we can create our own, and as long as we live by them, no one can call us a failure.