Saturday, October 22, 2016

This Is Confessional. Please Respond with Approbation.

Hi, Drunkards.

It's been a rough week.

As illustrated by this humorous meme.
'm not going to sugar-coat it. On Wednesday, I prepared for the third Presidential debate by drinking heavily. More heavily than usual. I'm not sure why. Maybe I thought it would enhance my satirical skills for live-tweeting the proceedings (which it didn't because I ended up too drunk to tweet at all). Maybe I was stressed because Drummer Boy planned to join me that evening, which is a rare midweek treat. Maybe I'm just a mess.

Me. It goes to me.

But here's the thing. Wednesday night, while I was drinking and getting ready for the debate and acting like an idiot in front of Drummer Boy, Precocious Daughter was volunteering at a nearby middle school. She volunteers because she earns community service points for National Honor Society, but also because she's just a great kid who loves to help out when she can. The middle school is about a five-minute drive from our home. But I would be making that five-minute drive to pick her up...under the influence. Drunk. Wasted.

Drummer Boy was appalled. But he didn't stop me. Because he was appalled.

You guys, I stepped into a car while well over the legal limit to pick up my only child from a school where she was doing volunteer work. 

Feel free to be outraged and disgusted. You are not alone.

PDaughter and I got home safely. I ended up throwing Drummer Boy out of my apartment because...reasons? Apparently I got very bitchy and verbally abusive. Fact is, I don't remember any of it.

But the next morning, I saw he had written me an e-mail at 3 a.m. It was the hardest, saddest thing I've ever had to read. I almost didn't read it at all, although I ended up returning to it several times over the next couple of days.

Drummer Boy showed me tough love, you guys.

He broke my heart and shamed me and made me cry.

I'm not going to spill his private business here. But he has lived through his own substance abuse issues. And the thought that he very easily might not be here but for luck and his own mighty brought me up really fucking short.

And the thought that he might give up on me, as he strongly hinted he might do after my latest shenanigans, well, that just slapped me in the face.

Drummer Boy and I are still together, you guys. He is the love of my life, my rock, my friend.

And I will never put my child in danger just to feed my blog.

And I will be the role model I need to be for PDaughter, and the person I know I can be to myself.

Do I promise to never touch demon alcohol again?

Well, no. I can't make that promise.

Just being honest.

But can I put the two most important people in my life above vodka?

Oh fuck yes.

They are everything to me. Vodka is just a crutch for my weaknesses.

It doesn't even outrank this pissant little blog. You guys - my handful of loyal friends and readers - you mean so much to me. I want to keep writing what I can to give you what pleasure I can.

I want to write that goddamn book I keep talking about.

I want to live happily ever after.

Feel free to tell me I'm an idiot for endangering my life and my relationships. I need to hear it.

I promise to respond with monkeys and politics and whatever.

Thank you, my Drunkards.

I love you all.


  1. Shit happens, and we learn from it and move on. We still love you, Chuck.

  2. You're an idiot.
    No, you're not - you're human. Everyone makes mistakes and only the smart people learn from them. I think you're one of the smart people

  3. Well....your Fakebook updates of the time did hint that you were not, shall we say, in full control. Glad to know you got through it.

  4. Well....your Fakebook updates of the time did hint that you were not, shall we say, in full control. Glad to know you got through it.

  5. I am so virtually kicking your ass right now. Glad everyone's alive.

  6. When I saw on Twitter that you were dealing with a broken heart I was afraid Drummer Boy had left you. And under the circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if he had.
    I would be seriously disappointed in him but not surprised.
    As it is I'm seriously disappointed in you but glad he's sticking by you because things would be so much worse if he didn't.
    I've lost track of how long I've been visiting your blog but this is the first time I've ever been truly disappointed in you.
    It's not the first time I've worried about you, though.
    I don't doubt your ability to protect yourself from other people or to recover from the general accidents that life throws at us.
    I do worry about your ability to protect yourself from yourself.
    I hope that PDaughter and Drummer Boy are able to step in and help, but I doubt they can do it by themselves.
    I have selfish reasons for feeling this way--mainly the hope that someday we'll meet in person--but also I just care what happens to you.
    Knowing that people care about you and want you to live and be happy should matter more than vodka.

  7. Step away from the vodka. And if you can't, then step away from the car keys and computer. But ideally, step away from the vodka.

  8. Miss Othmar (though now you know my real name)October 24, 2016 at 6:42 PM

    Yeah, I've been worried about you. But till now it was just for your emotional health. And for your liver, I guess. But do not put your child's safety at risk (nevermind the other folks on the road). If you can't kick it by yourself, there are resources out there that can be helpful. Please think about it.


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