Sunday, July 10, 2016

Bean Update: For the Beans

It's been a tough week, you guys. For me, for my city of Dallas, and for my beans.

The good news is, we are all surviving.

We will all continue to be OK.

It's pretty much what we do.
The thing is, I'm on approximately Day 55 of my bean-growing odyssey. Here's what that looks like.

Mostly green and leafy.
My sproutlings have weathered wind and rain and Texas heat, as well as the pitiful track record of their bean-mother when it comes to growing things.They continue to grow, to creep, to push out new leaves.

Every day there is a new leaf to replace one that has withered in the sun.
I'm so pleased with the overall growth and progress of these scrappy plants. The thing is, they're supposed to produce actual, edible beans in about 65 days.

That's 10 days from now. And I don't see anything that looks like a fledgling bean on my five plants.

I know that a lot can happen in 10 days. My beans may simply appear one morning soon and grow like wildfire. I certainly am not in charge of these plants. I simply provide water, sun, and good vibes. If they decide to provide me with tasty green beans, it's all on them.

As yet I see no evidence of that.

Not going to lie, I will be quite disappointed if I prove to as successful at growing beans as I was at bearing children

That would be two of three dying in utero, for those keeping score.

Meat Loaf can suck my dick, too.
The point is, I really really want my bean plants to produce happy, healthy, tasty children. Imma eat them, sorry not sorry. Anthropomorphization doesn't extend to yummy green beans. Call PETA if you wish; I'm standing by this.

Please send positive growing energy to my beans. I really want them to succeed. I promise to post pics of their delicious birth if it happens.

Peace, love, and legumes, you guys.


  1. Some beans take sixty-five years to mature--if they ever do.
    Those would be human beans.
    Sure, a lot can happen in ten days, but it's also possible that your beans are late bloomers.
    Texas has a long growing season. Your beans may be taking advantage of that and taking their sweet time.
    Hopefully they'll be all the sweeter for it.


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