Friday, July 15, 2016

Bean Lives Matter

It is with great sadness that I must announce the death of one of my bean plants.

Me right now.
When I got home from work today, I went out on the balcony to check on my sproutlings. I had recently given them a good pruning, and they had had some nice rainfall this morning, so I was optimistic about how they were coming along.

Then I found the withered, lifeless stalk of Meenie, my special-needs bean.


Sorry, not sorry.

Meenie was never as strong as his brethren. But he was scrappy. He tried so hard. But in the end, he didn't make it.

I think also he kind of got crushed when my bean pot fell over in last week's storms. It's hard to recover from a crushing.

So I gently wrapped Meenie's remains in a shroud of finest two-ply Bounty and laid him to rest beside a babbling brook.

Or put him in the trash. It's a bean plant, people.

Still, I've lost 20% of my potential bean yield. If this trend continues, it may be back to buying frozen beans for me.

The good news is, there is still plenty of life and abundant new growth in my remaining plants.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. Brah.

I remain hopeful that Eenie, Minie, Moe, and Larry will heal and move past this tragedy so that they can fulfill their purpose of bearing delicious green fruit. (Beans are too fruit. Musical fruit. So there.)

In the meantime, join me in remembering Meenie, whose time in the pot was far too short. In lieu of flowers, please send, I don't know, fertilizer or books on how to grow beans or something.

Before I kill again.


  1. Bean a while since you murdered anything, so I suppose it was time.

  2. We gather today to say farewell to a legume,
    Beloved by all, who met an early doom.
    Ashes to ashes, mulch to mulch,
    Meenie was never the largest bean in the gulch.
    He struggled each day to climb his riser.
    May he find new life as fertilizer.

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