Thursday, May 19, 2016

Ta Ta Tabitha

Sad news, Drunkards.

My page admin, Tabitha Roxanne Renee Louise Brown, has met her demise.

It seems she fell off a bridge and landed on the road below,

and was hit by an oncoming car,

which threw her into a nearby river,

on which she was carried for several miles in snapping turtle-infested waters,

ultimately being deposited on a muddy bank

that ran through a meadow full of wild pigs,

which found her quite tasty.

They'll eat anything.
I'd like to say I'm sorry she's gone, but I'm not. I would like to apologize to any wild pigs that suffered indigestion from snacking on her rancid meat.

Tabitha has been undermining my attempts at sobriety for a long time now. She's been undermining me for a long time, period.

She is (was) schadenfreude personified, and she hated me.

Well, she's dead now, and I'm glad.

Considering all she'd done, she really went in the most merciful way possible that didn't actually involve a wood-chipper and/or rabid coyotes.

I made damn sure of that.

Anyway, farewell, Tabby. You were kind of fun but mostly a bitch. I don't need you any more.

But I do need a new page admin.

I'll let you know who I find.


  1. While I enjoyed some of Tabitha's commentary--her takes on the Winter Olympics, for instance, as well as affluenza and same-sex marriage--you've highlighted why you're better off without her.

    Also anything involving wild pigs makes me laugh. I'm stupid like that.

  2. But I hear those are zombie-virus infested territories. Watch it or she'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkkkk.....

  3. As for a new admin/alter ego, how about Loveleen? She's certainly got the touch of nastiness you need, but is too full of self-interest to attack you.


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