Saturday, April 30, 2016

I'm More Worried About Weird Bathroom Smell Than Cross-Dressing Predators, Thank You

Based on the latest social hysteria/political hay-maker, I present the following.


What I Worry About When Using a Public Restroom:

1. Is there a line?

2. Eww, what's that smell?

3. What if the lock on the stall won't close?

4. Is there a hook for my purse or do I have to put it on the gross floor?

5. Did the last person leave something nasty in the bowl?

6. Is there toilet paper?

7. Can everyone smell what I just did?

8. What if the lock on the stall won't open?

9. Will my hair look terrible when I check it in the mirror?

10. Does this place only have the stupid air dryers that never actually get your hands dry so you end up wiping the last bit of wetness on your pants and hoping it doesn't leave a big wet spot as you walk out?


What I Don't Worry About When Using a Public Restroom:

OMG, is that woman actually a male sexual predator cleverly disguised as a lady so that he might attack me, assuming this freaking restroom will ever be empty save for me and him and also that I wouldn't simply grab one of his pumps and fucking beat him senseless with it or that no one else would enter while he's trying to overpower me while wearing a dress, because have you ever tried to do anything physically demanding in a dress, it's nearly impossible, and any female in reasonable physical condition could overpower a dipshit would-be rapist wearing women's clothes simply by kneeing him in the groin and running away because we're talking a public restroom, not the fucking Matrix, you know?


Lawmakers: Please work on improving our schools and our roads and our health care. Stop making laws that hurt the 700,000-1,000,000 transgender people in our country, who are waaaaaay disproportionately and unfairly targeted by discriminatory legislation of late. They don't want to  molest your women. You're thinking of sexual predators. And it's already illegal for them to do what they do.

Stop making laws that blatantly curry the favor of one segment of the population over another. That's not American. It's a dick move.

And stop worrying about transgender people. As a community, they have a ton of concerns, and you are not helping with any of them. So go away.

I'm going to pick up a few things at Target now. I'm worried they might not have half-gallons of 2% milk in stock (those seem to sell out very quickly - what up, Target?). I'm not worried about who might enter the ladies' room on the off chance that I have to use it while I'm there.

See ya later.


  1. That about covers it.

  2. Fortunately this legislation has given some brave men the courage to actually enter women's restrooms to offer, er, protective services.
    The Dallas Observer has video of a man barging into a woman's restroom because he thought the woman going in was "dressed like a man" and this "confused" him.
    Isn't it great that public restrooms are now places where you can get both protection and fashion advice from men?

  3. I posted a link to that very video on my IRL Facebook page, with suitable expressions of outrage. (BTW, I have a policy of accepting friend requests from anyone who figures out who I am IRL. You should try it!)


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