Thursday, April 14, 2016

All You Need Is Love. Or Cash. Or Love. I Don't Even Know.

At my IRL job, I have two bosses.

One is the Homunculus. He works in my office and technically manages all of us who are stationed there. He is generally indifferent to the point of dismissiveness of my efforts (even though today I caught a major omission in a staffer's report that he never would have discovered had I not brought it to his attention).

The other works in the corporate office 1,500 miles away and is my boss in that she oversees all the administrative personnel in the company. She is awesome and supportive but unfortunately has little to do with my day-to-day duties/frustrations. Still, it's good to know that she has my back, and we do check in regularly.

Last night, my corporate boss sent me an email saying that I could expect to find a bonus in my bank account this week because of my "exceptional performance" in 2015. I got a similar bonus a year ago, and while it wasn't enough to buy that solid-gold heavy-duty dildo I've been wanting, it certainly was enough to make me genuinely appreciative of the gesture.

Gold Dildo, it's the dildo, the dildo with the Midas touch.
(Dear Shirley Bassey: I am so sorry.)

The point is, tomorrow I'll wake up and check my bank account and find a nice little monetary reward that (I hope) will more than offset the large tax bill I just incurred thanks to my almost-ex being, well, a heavy-duty dildo.

I may use that windfall to further reduce my remaining debt. Or I may use it to replace my old and very terrible smartphone. Hell, I may even splurge on some fun stuff just for me. The point is, while I don't particularly covet wealth, I certainly recognize the benefits of having a few extra bucks at my disposal and intend to take advantage of it.

But you know what? I might almost give up that bonus money if only the Homunculus would simply express his appreciation for my work and/or acknowledge my contributions before the rest of the office.

Almost. It doesn't matter, because it's not going to happen. But still.

I'll let you know what I spend the money on. On what I spend the money. Whatever.

Most of you have no idea what I do at my job, but trust me, I'm pretty good at it. If you have an administrator at your workplace, show him/her a little love. I'll feel it, I promise.

And thanks.


  1. I'm pretty sure we all know that you're good at your job. Also you can curse like a sailor when you scald yourself on the electric kettle.

    Fun fact: I scalded myself on the electric kettle this morning.


    I can't wait to hear your take on this!!


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