Monday, January 18, 2016

Money. It's a Gas.

I'm having financial difficulties.

Wait, that's not right. I'm having financial...easinesses? Is that a word?

What say you, Mr. Enlarged Eye Freakishly Small
Left Arm Four Handed Man?
Anyway, here's the thing. In my marriage, I was always the main breadwinner. Not the only breadwinner, but in any given year my income was 2-2.5x that of my almost-ex.

I'm going to pause here so as not to launch into a rant about ways to achieve or not achieve equilibrium in a marriage, which encompasses not just money but responsibilities, effort, and emotional support.

OM, baby. Just OM.

I would not have left my marriage if I hadn't felt confident that I could support myself and Precocious Daughter. That's just the truth. If the income her father brought in meant the difference between making ends meet and not, then yes, I would have stayed, at least until she was grown up. Because I never would have wanted her to suffer or go without just because her parents' marriage had gone sour. I suppose that mindset is open to debate. But to my mind there is no argument to favor placing my happiness and security over hers.

The point is, I crunched the numbers and concluded my income was sufficient to pay our way. Although I'm paying way more in rent than I was paying for my mortgage, overall I figured our living expenses would be reduced by about 1/3 when we became a two-person household.

Boy, was I wrong.

Because who understands money, amiright?
Turns out my almost-ex didn't consume 1/3 of our resources. Turns out he consumed at least as much as PDaughter and me combined. He was like an eating, crapping, throwing-shit-away machine, you guys. He was like a living garbage disposal who also demanded rough sex five times a week.

Not even going to Google an image to go with that.

A few examples: The three of us used to go through at least a gallon of milk a week. Now, PDaughter and I can barely get through a half-gallon before it expires (around the two-week mark). I used to buy a 12-roll package of toilet paper every three weeks or so. I think I've bought TP twice in the three months PDaughter have been on our own. I run our dishwasher about twice a week (and it's usually not even full), whereas at the house it was nearly every day, with some glasses and dishes inevitably not being able to fit.

Seeing a pattern?

I keep thinking about what Marx and Engels said: From each according to his means, to each according to his needs.

I can't help but think that Karl and Fred would have called bullshit on my former spouse. Although I suppose the current Republican-controlled U.S. Congress would welcome him with open arms.

Bitches be like "representative democracy," WTF?
It simply does not cost as much to support the two of us as I initially thought. Even though I didn't get nearly as much from the sale of our house as I wanted. Even though I thought I'd be able to pay off my car but haven't. Even though I'm receiving not one thin dime of child support. Still we're OK financially, and my bank account doesn't seem to be hemorrhaging money.

It seems that, on our own, PDaughter and I are able to live a simple yet abundant life that is not beyond our means.

I don't know how my almost-ex is faring. I haven't asked. Since he got twice as much as I did out of the sale of our home, I assume he's OK until the proceeds run out. I suspect he's not really budgeting for that day.

Not my problem, though.

I'm paying my bills and keeping us in groceries and furnishing our apartment by degrees. I think we're happy. I know we're keeping our heads above water financially.

It feels amazing to say that, you guys.

I hope everyone reading this can say the same.


  1. I think that's the experience of most people who break up. It was certainly true of me after my disaster of a brief marriage.

  2. I lived with someone for a while and when they moved out, my water bill dropped by 3/4ths. I have never figured out how one person used that much water.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.