Tuesday, December 29, 2015


Three days from now, open carry of handguns becomes law in Texas.

Which is fucked up beyond all fucked-up fuckery, in my humble opinion.

On the left: Kory Watkins, patron saint of asshole dickweed douchebags.
It ain't libel if it's true.
If you're new here, you know that I have long opposed open carry of firearms in this state. And I've made no secret of it to those who are in favor of it and are also certifiable nutjobs. The overlap there is considerable, by the way.

Here's the thing: I personally despise guns. I fear them, and I hate the power they hold to destroy innocent people and animals. But concealed carry has been legal in Texas since 1995, and although I'm not thrilled with it, if law-abiding citizens are concerned with their personal safety and are willing to go through the vetting process to keep a weapon discreetly and invisibly on their person, I will give those citizens the benefit of the doubt that their motives are pure and their intentions good.

But I draw a line at people who feel the need to show off their armed status to everyone around them. Openly carrying guns (whether it's long arms, which have been legal due to a loophole, or handguns, which will become legal as of January 1st, 2016) serves but one purpose, I believe, and that is to compensate for a tiny penis.

Yes, women, too.

Bitch is three inches, tops.

I get that if you're a chinbeard, untucked t-shirt, trilby-wearing, redneck Christian nobody, carrying a gun for all to see might give you a .01% boost in self-worth. And you need that boost, no doubt. But if you truly were Christian, you would be loath to inspire fear and aversion in others. And if you truly were American, you would feel no need to publicly display a killing machine to feel equal (or superior) to your fellow citizens.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong, and we all should be telling each other that God is love, but I could totally fucking blow your head off at any moment if you looked at me wrong.

It's a gray area.

Anyway, open carry of handguns goes into effect in Texas on January 1st. If I see someone with a gun at Target or City Hall or my local dollar store, I have no 14th-amendment due-process right to report that person as a possible threat. Hey, all the San Bernadino shooters were doing was exercising their Second Amendment rights, correct? No cause for alarm when they ran into a public building armed with assault rifles. 'Murica.

While I didn't vote for any state representative who voted this idiotic practice into law, I'm not entirely voiceless when open carry goes into effect. I have just now, tonight, ordered a box of business cards that I will carry on my person and will leave with any Texan I see openly carrying a death-gun:

I'll leave it on their windshield, or hand it to them personally. Doesn't matter, as long as the message is delivered. I can think of no reason to insist that Texas return to Wild West days, when every good guy/bad guy/random creep showed off his/her gun to the world.

This will cost me maybe 40 bucks. I hope it also gets me a shit-ton of notoriety. Bring it. My guess is that I can make my argument much more eloquently than you can bring yours, Kory and C.J. and all you other tiny-weinered Second Amendment apologists.

Happy New Year, you bloodthirsty fuckwads.

That address again is www.always-drunk.com.

Tell your friends.


  1. Love the hashtags! Love all of it.

  2. I love the cards... You could be getting some hate comments here with that, though. I look forward to that, not because you deserve hate comments but rather because it will keep things interesting.

    You should have something for them when they get here: "If you are here because you were recipient of one of my open carry cards, click here," and then it would be someone flipping off the camera or something.

  3. That woman needs more than just to compensate for her overgrown clitoris...er, tiny penis. For instance, she could start by not jacking her pants up to her boobs.

  4. The best part of this post is the card. The second best part is the banner ad for the NRA. Yes, they're advertising here. Keep wasting your money, suckers!


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.