Saturday, September 19, 2015

I'll Take Shallow Joy Over Deep Despair...Pretty Manicure Edition

Thanks to my friend and loyal Drunkard Riley's Mom, I have purple sparkly fingernails.

Actually, way sparklier in person.

That's not nearly as erotic as it sounds, though.

Riley's Mom just hosted an online sales party for a certain brand of nail wraps.

I'm not going to give the name, because this isn't like a sponsored post or anything. But you could probably Google "nail wraps online party" and get pretty to close to it.

If you had, like, mad sleuthin' skills.

Anyway, she invited me through Facebook, and after initial trepidation that this might be an in-home party that would require me to actually leave the house and socialize with people, I joined the group because all I had to do was click "Join," and I felt totally able to do that.

I really had no intention of going further than that. I wanted to support Riley's Mom because she has been totally supportive of me. But as you know if you visit here often, I'm going through a lot of shite and money is very tight and the last thing I needed to do was to splurge on, of all things, nail wraps.

But then I realized that this product actually solves two real problems in my life: The fact that I cannot fathom paying people to touch my hands, and the fact that I'm absolutely terrible at applying nail polish.

But kinda representative, yeah.

And there were so many pretty pictures of fingernails decked out in colors and patterns and images and themes. I devoutly wished to have those fingernails, no matter how impossible that seemed. It was like being in middle school all over again.

So I did what I do when I'm faced with a conundrum. I began researching.

I read up on this company and its product. I watched the how-to videos. I read the testimonials. I explored the website.

And I finally decided: For a fairly minimal investment, I could try something new, risk-free, in my own home, that at the very least would provide a momentary distraction from my problems and, if it actually worked the way it claimed, could make me feel pretty and happy, and God knows when I last felt either of those things.

Quite a pretty frog, actually.

So I placed an order. Nothing fancy, nothing elaborate. One sheet of sparkle fingernails, and one sheet of solid-color fingernails. I felt I was supporting my friend Riley's Mom without going overboard or taking food out of Precocious Daughter's mouth.

I have to admit, when my nail wraps arrived in the mail today, I was surprised at how excited I felt.

Still, I didn't really believe I could successfully give myself a manicure with them. Because of, you know, the fact that I'm terrible at applying nail polish. And also the fact that when I'm stressed, my fingernails tend to break, and about six of them broke this week.

Yeah, I said "broke."

I decided to try to apply a single wrap and see how it went. If it was a disaster - if I screwed it up, if it looked horrible, if it stressed me out - I would put the rest of my order in a drawer and chalk it up to to least having participated in a friend's event, albeit one that didn't benefit me in any way.

None of that happened. I was so pleased with how my pinky finger looked wrapped in sparkly purple (what else did you think I was going to get?) that I ended up doing an entire manicure - my fingers in sparkly purple, my thumbs in deep shiny indigo.

It didn't turn out perfectly, but it turned out really, really well. Like, I felt happy well. Like, I ran a couple of errands immediately afterwards and was surprised I didn't get pulled over because I kept sneaking peeks at how amazing my fingernails looked.

You're right, these are lovely wraps.

I shouldn't be this affected by something as shallow as a nice manicure, should I?

Except, you know, when your entire life is in upheaval and every day brings a new hurdle to clear and you're wondering how you can possibly make it to the next stage of your life without falling flat on your face...when all of that is going on, maybe all you need is one simple, inconsequential thing to let you focus on the future and what's important.

Maybe feeling pretty because I have sparkly purple fingernails is more important in the scheme of things than I imagined.

I have purple sparkly fingernails, you guys.

Put on some Pink Floyd and think about that, you guys.

I love them.

And I love you.

And this is NOT a sponsored post. Although I would totally do one, if asked.

I support doing what makes you happy 1,000%.


  1. Sometimes it's the little things that make the bad shit seem not quite as bad for a little while. Sometimes it's finding the perfect shade of retro red pinup lipstick. Sometimes it's applying a wingtip with eyeliner perfectly. And sometimes it's perfectly purple sparkly nail wraps. Savour that, darling, because you deserve it 😘

  2. Imagining a State Trooper pulling over a guy, and commenting on how lovely his wraps are made me very happy. Too funny.

  3. I believe that feeling pretty - for whatever reason, is important; especially when life isn't going so well.

  4. If you had gotten pulled over your nails would have gotten you out of a ticket. And there's nothing shallow about the joy you're feeling.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.